Where am I?

Dec 27th was interesting. Had a first experience of not being the body..sitting in the auto at the signal intersection of airport road and the richmond road. And then the couple of days later the very core issue of questioning something that I have taken for granted..and so here goees..

So what is the basis of my assumption that i am the body? Someone would have told me that when I was a baby..and accepted this as gospel. And now what is the basis now that im grown up? For one, "I" seem to be going everywhere where my body is going. So its logical that me and the body is the same thing..but then if i can see the body separate from "I" I cant possibly be the body. During those fleeting experiences i realised that the "I" has only learnt to express itself in this body. Till it learns to express itself in other bodies..other organic life..like trees..i will have a situation where "I" = body. But what happens when i shut my eyes..then there is no body..no trees..no nothing.. I am..but where the hell am i? I try looking to estimate where im located. Have not found myself in the body..at best its a feeling in the heart..but the big question is ..if im not in the body..where am i? Am i located somewhere else..? in the sky? how do i find out where am i located? CUrrent strategy im kind of adopting is to fool the mind ..to make it think as if im back to where i was when i was a baby..and no one has yet told me that im the body. when means..just keep the feeling of "I am" all the time..refuse any impression that gets me back to identify with the body..and hopefully some door will open..and doing the sadhanas twice a day to create sufficient energy to power this ...i think we all deserve to live a better life and we dont have to have divine origins to reach out and get it..like Buddha..regular dude..who went out and cracked it..and insisted on telling everybody that he was a normal guy who went after this. He is the real inspiration man..Buddha really really rock

race of life

Mrityorma..amritam gamaya..oh mother..give me liberation from death. Liberation from death meaning death of the physical body ..is that the end of it all? Smart boys and girls from the past seem to have figured the way to create this body..so what is the technique.
It needs to be built brick by brick it appears. Create an energy reservoir, Generate energy thru food, meditation..and breathing teqniques and then save the damn thing instead of leaking it in stress, thought loops and babes. Soon the subtlest elements from our food start buidling the "immortal body" ..and soon..one can start sensing the body..till one great day..under the golden skyscrappers ..the space ship is ready..that moment, the connection with the physical body is superflous. One's vantage point of presence has shifted from one's body to this "other bodY" - the physical body dies..but voila..the other body continues to experience life..so the race is this..create the "other body" before the "physical body" breaks down..

state of mind tracking Monday morning pre 8:52 am

Mind serene. I can see thoughts coming but not touching me. I know its chemical. But there is bliss. Present moment always. With my connectedness.

part 2 at office. Will take stock if I can maintain the connection.

Street walking

Streets are the soul of any city. Walking on the streets of Calcutta for eg. Is like losing yourself in your old family album discovered quite accidentally from the attic. Your walk is not just slow and leisurely, you actually stop at points, savouring the sepia tones of the city, its crowds only part of the group photo, its dust only the dust flying off the album. That is the soul of the city. It is in a time wrap – in its most romantic sense. Its not stopped or decaying. It is just continuing to move within the same dimension – like listening to an old song that you don’t mind listening again and again. And then suddenly a gem from the past, a sight of an old book long forgotten, and the warm glow in your heart – when the ripe bossoms of nostalgia crush themselves over your chest. Walking in Paris is a lot like walking in Calcutta. There is the essential past that really is playing in front of you with the patina of the present almost there to ridicule itself. Walking in paris or watching the city pass in front of you as you sip your café au lait you see how Calcutta and Paris share the same soul. I think its really the sensuality of the energy of both cities. The sensuality that expresses itself in Paris in its art, cinema and the soft flicks of the cusine on your tongue. In Calcutta, its in the languid strain of its Rabindra sangeet, the passion of the bargaining in the fish market and the sudden rush of your lover’s sweet saliva as you bit into a rasgulla. HongKong is slow and languid.l You could call it Calutta. But Hongkong has no passion. The Streets are full of people. No one’s in a hurry. But there is a blandness to the walking. The neons flashing and the plasmas screaming don’t help. All the props seem helpless against the quiet mass of sleepy people that throng the streets. Its frustrating. Why is this city so expressionless? Is this a curse by some dragon princess? Or has the coldness of the skyscrapers in glass and steel seeped deep into bones turning their blood into mineral water and emotions into diet passion? Washington DC and New Delhi, as slow but with a difference. You cant miss the cold power in the under currents. Here’s a slowness of secure power. Like a quiet purr of a Jaguar. People as warm as cadavers greeting you with the temperature of a morgue and social behavior as efficient as a philharmonic. Even sex would be as per position # 23 of the Manual. In Hong Kong, it would be position #23 too, but there would be people assisting. New York and Bombay are pure sex. The energy hits you as you embrace into the city. There is an unexpectedness in New York and Bombay. No rules. And the promise of some adventure that gets your heart thudding. Its just the way you walk on the street. Fast. Very fast. And its not laboured. Its just the sheer excitement – a mix of taboo, a large dash of power, and the sheer freedom of anonymity that New York and Bombay gives you. You can just be your self. These cities don’t judge. They don’t even care you exist. Yet you know that your heartbeat has added to the city’s heartbeat. Your are part of it yet its not imposed on you. The city wraps itself around you, so you and the city have both an independent and a combined persona. Unlike the langorous sensuality of Cal and Paris where there is a suspended desire at the hem of each skirt or the sari pallu, in New York its very vocal. No stolen kisses or a careless caress of the breast tip here – its like mouth jabbing kisses and crotch grinding, frantic and instant gratification – like a pit stop in an F1.

Automatic for the people

How do i fight my passivity? This completely pre programmed responses-that this machine seem to be giving. Cruel word responded with cruel words. Kind words likewise. Pretty face and want to possess. Hint of a breast and ready to mate. All the buttons of this machine is in everybody else's hand. How do i disable the buttons. Make a fresh response. Each time. Become human. Again.

apple of my I

How do I therefore unlock myself and get free? There is the half eaten apple of desire. There is our past, like a clock ticking in the heart. Key is out there somewhere but cant find it..slender threads link us to the mother tree.. i need help to find the key...even tho the door may be open..

Anniversary

Happy anniversary to the blog for surviving a year !

body shop

hmm..it appears that we have bin fooling ourselves for a long time. firstly it appears that "we are the body" seems to be just a notion.. its only in our minds..someone i guess decided to put it in our heads...seems like a massive virus attack on civilisation..the Great Forgetting :-) maybe this is what the bible talked about Adam and Eve..needed to chekc out their vacation in the Garden prematurely! so if we are not the body..and we actually experience it..then i guess it is immortality...wow...so that's really what immortality all about..consciousness without the body..

so the eternal question of what am i doing in the world..what is my purpose..what is my destiny..all therefore goes gracefully out of the window...for the cause and effect seems to be a problem with the mind..and without body..no-mind..please dont mind.. and so we just are...! purposeless..?? kind of deflating i must say..considering my world domination ambitions..or the thrill of cracking a deal..means nothing in the cosmos..even less significant than a fart of an old star..then why do i get horny?

more later...