Two universes

So is the body the dividing line between the inside and the outside? what we refer to as inside including our thoughts as that which is under the skin and external world is what our senses perceive?
If however one were to go with the notion that one is pure awareness and that this body is actually created by the awareness and further that this body is one of the elements in the field of this awareness along with many other elements then one will have to have a different dividing line between what is inside and outside – because the fact is that we do experience inside and outside.

One possible division of spaces could be the division between the Ego or the Personality and that of the Self or Pure awareness. If we are a collection of energy field then this energy sometimes settles at the level of the Ego that leads to turning thoughts, and all the internal activities that are driven by the Ego. And then when the energy rises to a level higher than the Ego, then there are moments of insights, joy and compassion.

Even the notion of “me” – is probably a point in the universe of the Ego.

The pull will always be between these two universes – of the Ego and of the Self and the struggle of this energy field that I call my common presence or “me” – is to constantly engage with the universe of the Ego by keeping a simultaneous connection with the universe of the Self.

ze body

It appears that the body and the senses are a kind of device or intermediate that allows us to
experience the world
; its tastes, its passions, its pains, its smells. As though this body is like a binocular through
which I can see the world and engage with it. What then is the right relationship between
me and the body.
There is atfirst a sense of gratitude – for this body is a bridge that allows these
myriad of experiences. As though this body is a special organ that bring these
impressions from the planet earth to us.
How does the body relate to me in my overall sphere of attention? This has been a difficult
exploration because sometimes the vantage point of awareness is from inside the body and
sometime the vantage point of awarenss is from the outside.
I see that firstly recognizing and acknowledging the presence of the body is probably the
first part of my engagement. Acknowledging probably means being in touch with that part
of my common presences that has the conection with the body. Maybe as I keep doing that,
I would be able to find out more about the right relationship with the body. Understanding
the unique intelligence of the body, its language and try having an impartial view of its
needs and demands. It feel almost like adopting a new born baby

escaping from time

So I wonder what is time? Mainly psychological time. Physical time is lot easier to understand – since its artificially created. Physical time is a function of motion. Time is distance traveled by an object from point A to point B. In a clock 1 second is the distance travelled by the seconds-hand around the circumference of the clock once.

So its easy to understand the artificiality of this. But what about psychological time? It appears to me that there are a few widgets in the head that get activated in the head depending on the energy levels of the organism. One widget could be the “hurry-up” widget which suddenly gives us this feeling of panic that we are running late. Then suddenly there is this awareness of time. Before this widget was activated time did not exist for us. Then there could be “bored” widget. When suddenly once feels that time is not moving. It appears that comes when,say, we are waiting. Waiting for someone, waiting for some boring movie or person to get over. Waiting for a terrible moment to get over. Then again our perception of time gets to fore.
The other experiences of time seem to be variations of the same. When ur having fun and then suddenly when the fun is over a perception of time comes up – how quickly the time has passed. Its almost as if at that moment we compare the physical time elapsed to that if the psychological time – which when we are having fun is absent.

Time other than the physical time seem to not exist. So we try to compare this artificial measure with a measure that is psychological one. For eg if we look at the clock and watch the clock for 5 minutes at different times of the day and at different moods we can see that we do not have an equivalent measure of physical time in terms of psychological time – 5 minutes means so much in my head.
Krishnamurthy I remember him saying that absence of thought is absence of time. So when you are having fun, its pure fun and no thought. Psychological time comes up when there is thought. No thought or watching the movements of time in our internal psyche seems to be the only escape from time.

Field of awareness

I continue to see that my attention is fragmented. During the day, there seems to be no attention to what is happening inside. But I feel that even if there is attention inwards, for a few minutes or hours each day, it still holds out hope. A sensation of the body, an awareness of my inner state even for a few minutes in the morning or night may I guess lead to more prolonged sustained attention during other parts of the day.
it is ironical to sometimes be aware of the pure awareness and then the thought that the body and everything else that we see or perceive to be inside or outside the body is all within the field/created by the awareness. just staying in the presence of pure awareness or invoking it say thru a focus on the breath makes one feel that one is on the border of a larger discovery.