Chronicles of Saturn in First House - 3

There is clearly a sense of sluggishness and lack of energy. Passivity pervades yet if one gets up for action it is possible to push against the passivity. Mentally however there is a black shadow and a huge weight. I prefer speaking less. However I can sense lot of sensation inside my head as though this period is good for inner watch. Meanwhile some more info

With any transit involving Sagittarius, it is essential that we be honest – in our actions and about what we are feeling. If one senses the pressures and demands of higher performance, be honest about what you feel and express this to those around you.

Saturn in Sagittarius is like a breath of fresh air since it rules more abstract values such as codes, ethics, quality control, upgrading standards, credentialing and standards of Truth. 
Those with vision, those who can see the Big Picture, those who can upgrade and maintain high standards, will do very well in this cycle.

Saturn transiting the first house begins with a Saturn conjunction to the Ascendant, a transit of personal significance. The first house is a fire house, a house that rules our personal identity. We concern ourselves with how we come across to others on a personal level with Saturn here. Our physical body becomes a focus as well. Depending on the age of the native, it may be a time when we feel our age, or it is a time when we see our bodies quite clearly. This is an excellent time for beginning health regimens, diets, and the like, simply because it is a time when we look in the mirror and see ourselves clearly——not what we want to see. Our outlook on life changes to a more serious, responsible tone. In the beginning stages of the transit, you may feel frustrated with yourself, let down, and lacking in self-confidence. You might reach out to others in an attempt to validate yourself, looking for ways to boost your confidence. When these attempts fail, you may feel temporarily let down and discouraged. Rest assured that Saturn will re-work these feelings, with your help of course, until you reach a point (as Saturn moves through the house) where you have a stronger sense of self. This transit acts to transform your self-confidence in such a way that you question the source of your confidence to date, and discover a more solid base for pulling up inner strength. Saturn here acts to rip away the superficial. Illusions about the self, the body, and personal abilities will no longer be tolerated. The end result is a newfound identity and a realistic understanding of the self. In terms of career and projects, outward signs of progress may not be as forthcoming, yet the work that you do during this transit will lay a foundation for future success and progress! For example, some years ago, a client began a hobby/project during a Saturn transit to her first house, something that took up a lot of her time and energy and that yielded nothing in terms of immediate financial gain——until later! In fact, this “hobby” turned into her career in the years to follow.

Chronicles of Saturn in First house - 2

We are towards the end of November and a few weeks before Saturn transits House 1. Already the first experiencing that I have had is an irrational fear of death and disease. It was truly real and only today there was some respite.

It seems like an end gift of the 12th house and a peek of what could be expected.

Saturn House 1 is expressed in the following words

(a) We must be willing to get rid of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
(b) First house Saturn apparently is all about restructuring the identity. It becomes very important to evaluate where we spend our  energy –to end superfluous obligations, to other people, and to myself.  It is said that  because we are rebuilding the very identity, we have less energy to spare during Saturn’s transit – and any commitments that stand in our way of doing this intense self-exploration may get sacked because it stands in the way of the time we need to spend working on our self

So let me see what happens as the days go by and ill try and do a regular record.

Chronicles of Saturn in First house - 1

This is the continuation of the record of my Saturn Transit. My 12th house transit is getting over and this transit has taught me "Faith" as against "Doing". Earlier I used to find meaning in Doing. But in this transit when I "did" nothing happened. But when I "wished" things came to me. Miracles at each corner.

So before the transit begins I thought I would cover some preparatory homework . So here's the first copy-paste from (http://www.moonkissd.com/2013/02/24/saturn-transits-the-first-house-the-life-waiting-for-you/#comment-33151)

With Saturn now moving retrograde, I figured I’d check in on how I’m faring with Saturn. Saturn has been transiting my first house since September 2011. I had been looking forward to Saturn leaving my twelfth house like I looked forward to being released from an obligation I had no interest in keeping; in my twelfth, Saturn had taught me to quiet down, stop working so hard, to chill out. Dialing back and losing focus in the diffuse awareness of the twelfth house does not and did not feel natural to me. With a score of like 65 on Donna Cunningham’s Cardinal-o-meter, I flip flopped like a fish out of water. Not until Saturn entered the twelfth house did I realize how much my identity was fused with doing instead of be-ing. The week of Saturn transiting the first, initially felt like a release from bondage. That week, I reconnected with parts of my self I thought I’d lost by attending a high school reunion, and taking an art class with a master artist. In a very real sense, this was the beginning of the rediscovery of the self. But after the initial homecoming, I had to let go of that nostalgic self-reunion. There’s a Joseph Campbell quote that speaks directly to what takes place during the shift from Saturn from the twelfth into the first house(s), “We must be willing to get rid of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

Keeping Up Appearances

As Saturn crosses the threshold, we are called to break with old masks – with ways of seeing our self, being in the world, showing our self and our face to the world. Yet who am I today? This is the question… and first house Saturn is all about restructuring the identity. Early on, something I had read helped me understand the consolidation of energy I began experiencing. It became very important to me to evaluate where I was spending my energy –to end superfluous obligations, to other people, and to myself.  Why was I pushing hard to be social, or work on projects that felt like a mountain of work, when I was tired, so tired? I’m already an introvert and need time to recoup energy but this was ridiculous. Both Rob Hand and Erin Sullivan say because we are rebuilding the very identity, we have less energy to spare during Saturn’s transit – and any commitments that stand in our way of doing this intense self-exploration may get sacked because it stands in the way of the time we need to spend working on our self. This is the motive behind why people may experience “fails” during this time. So if you get sacked, or your work doesn’t get published, consider it a blessing: you are in the process of rediscovering the Self that will seed a whole new 28 year cycle.  You don’t want to be wasting precious time on a hamster wheel.

Rediscovering The Self

Because of this need to restructure the identity, which entails less commitment to worldly demands, more seclusion and inner work, Saturn here can put a damper on being seen and getting noticed. This is happening because there’s a new identity re-forming. Like the pieces of a lego creation, the process of self-rebuilding is necessarily slow, careful and must be made without haste. The feeling is that every piece (friendship, career choice, obligation, cause, hobby) you decide to take on will be with you for a long while, and to not be premature. I’ve been tempted many times to define myself — to run headlong in exciting directions that, upon reflection only a mere few weeks later, I just knew wouldn’t have made me happy. It took a few experiences like this, me anticipating I had found “the answer!” only to have it dissolve, and realize I’m a work in progress and if my newfangled career mash up ideas don’t get past the starting line, it’s probably for the best. As a result of admitting I truly don’t know where I’m headed yet, I’ve learned to remain wide open to possibility, and to explore things that come along with fresh eyes, which feels very courageous and first house, while also remaining extremely discerning and realistic, which feels very Saturn.  This is a safety against running headlong into brick walls down the road, for as Erin says, “Often it remains unclear who we are while Saturn remains in the first house.” -And- “…seizing the first apparently solid opportunity to present itself is not always the best; all such opportunities need to be examined for their durability and longevity.” In short: if you can’t envision enjoying doing this for at least the next 14 years, scrap it. Or as Rob Hand, a very practical man, says of Saturn transiting the first house, “Don’t be in a hurry.”

Yet, it’s not about sitting around doing nothing. It’s a busy time. Putting the pieces together takes time, effort and often Saturn transiting the first yields new choices & direction. In my experience, however, these choices must obey another Joseph Campbell dictum, to always: “follow your heart” then given plenty of lassitude. I’ve read about people taking up hobbies now that turn into careers – later. I’ve experienced the budding of a new profession, and though I don’t know what form it will take yet, it’s been important work for me to listen to what my heart says about it every step of the way.

In Corpore (Latin, meaning In The Body)

“For the duration of Saturn’s transit through the first house, one must find creative antidotes for spiritual starvation. Nourishment for the body and soul is a difficult menu to find ready prepared.” – Erin Sullivan, Saturn in Transit

Being in the body has never been easy for me, and in all honesty it has gotten harder and improved with Saturn here. During this time I’ve had a disease return that I though I’d been finished with (on the exact weekend Saturn quincunx’d my sixth house Aries Mars). This is the harder. Chronic pain has severely limited my ability to write, create and do things I want to do. Creativity had been such a strong source of spiritual nourishment for me, albeit (and I am loathe to admit this) at the cost of other forms of sustenance. This is the lesson. As Saturn has thrown the circuit breaker on thecreative-spiritual and put much (often ALL) of my attention on being in the material body, I have had no choice but to submit to the lessons of the Taskmaster. Inasmuchas my work is cut out for me with Saturn here, I am beginning to reap some rewards from it. I found traditional cooking (Sally Fallon, Nourishing Traditions) or it found me -and when I did I experienced the major epiphany that I’d never actually felt deeply nourished by my food. Saturn rules traditions.  My diet, has long been far healthier and conscious than the typical American diet, but also had a lot of restrictions that left me feeling hungry, and malnourished on deep levels (natal Saturn conjunct Sun, South Node in Cancer). When I began eating a very nutrient dense diet, a diet like our ancestors ate. As a result of eating like my ancestors ate hundreds of years ago, I started feeling far more substantially nourished as a person. Of course I’m also cooking like they did, too, which means I’ll start my day cutting vegetables for a stew, or canning pickles or making crème fraiche. Time consuming? Yes. But also connecting to my body, the earth, and my spirit in a whole new way. As Erin says, “While Saturn remains in the first house we renegotiate our earthly contract.”

I’ve noticed people who have Saturn in the first, natally, often have physical limitations – thyroid disease, bone disease, juvenile diabetes to name a few – restricting one’s confidence, ease of movement, and the opportunities one can pursue.  Why is Saturn in the first so hard on the health? Is it because of the quincunx relation of the first house to the Sixth? A quincunx is an aspect of adjustment, and letting go and eliminating health-inhibiting behaviors does involve the quincunxy idea that no one wants to do: “let go, release into change.” Speaking of letting go, I haven’t lost weight, thank Goddess, as I didn’t need to, but for some this is a true benefit of this transit. Due to depression or the self-discipline and self-denial it bestows on the character, Saturn can lean people down during its ASC and first house transit – witness Angelina Jolie’s Skeletor-like appearance while Saturn in Cancer crossed her ASC, a skeletal reputation which she has never entirely lived down.

Thresholds & Doorways

Saturn rules thresholds & doorways.

On Aligning with Life that is Eternal

The fear of death can only be allayed by a connection with that which is immortal. It has been the insight of many sages that we are immortal and it is due to ignorance that we believe that we are the body and all ends with death. This fear of death, combined with a sense of futility of life’s purpose gives a powerful force to find out that which is beyond death and live that existence rather than the existence linked to mortality. How does one find that ? For me a starting point could be to return again and again to the life throbbing inside me. This life or attention seems to be a first connection with that which incarnated into this body and so if I could live more and more in this connection maybe it could be the boat that could take one across the river from this bank that is attached and identified with mortality. This connection could also be assisted by returning to the breath – especially the sensation of the breath.  

To understand this life that incarnates life after life is a magical adventure. Let me start right away.

Saturn - insights towards the end of first phase of 2.5 years

On January 26^th I would have finished the first cycle of 2.5 years of Saturn. If I look back it has been the most spiritualised period of my life. I think preparing and reading about Saturn – especially to align with Saturn and “be” Saturn got me into a helpful inner attitude of receptivity. Further situations around me caused me to do things that I normally would be lazy and passive to do. Allowing my self to do it in this Saturn period, got me a slight freedom from likes and dislikes. I think that possibly could be the gift of Saturn. I need to remember this – freedom the likes and dislikes. I also saw that while one part of my life experienced delays – there was another part that made small wishes come true. I had to wish, try and make effort and then forget about it. Then by some magic it would just happen. Sometimes even if the impulse of action kept pushing and I held back, the magic worked. I also feel receptivity also means open to receiving things and help from people – as if God is giving them to you through them. Earlier I would refuse favours (for no reason – maybe social conditioning, maybe false pride)

 It was also in this period that I managed to get my first bit of regular financial income – however modest. Even this happened by an amazing miracle. This means also that Saturn does not block your money -  and trouble you.  Saturn in 12^th house is about transformation (12^th house being the house of death) and I think what I learn from here will now be polished and fine tuned when it moves to the 1^st house. Even now with a few weeks left, I think its impact I can begin to feel. There seems to be a sense of death and sense of wanting to find meaning in life and the direction of that finding of meaning – all of which could be the individuality aspects of the first house.

Meaning of life

Today once again woke up in the morning with the question of the meaning of life and it's pointless ness if its going to end in death.



But today was a shift in the sense that I remembered about the Buddha story and could get a sense of his similar despair when he saw the cycle of life. And that after that he set out to find the meaning of life and not cave in with the crushing weight of what he saw. 



I need to take a leaf from that and approach life similarly. To find the true meaning of life beyond the mortal. And it has to be through life work efforts of day to day struggling.

On nursing suffering

So the last few days have been this feeling of pain in the heart. One of those things that have no reason to cause it. Usually when it has appeared in the past it has maybe lasted for a few hours at best and then the being changes. This time it is longer. Been 5 days and it starts as soon as I get up in the morning and ends somewhere in the evening as I leave for home from work.

I know my responsibility is to stay and thank fully other than few moments I feel aligned to it like a duty to share some Cosmic sorrow. The few weak moments I am identified with it but thankfully so far no self pity.
The pain is sapping. I miss my natural optimism and upbeatedness. It has taken away my sense of purpose as well as the energy that starts initiatives. It is very precious for me that energy and I feel it has got me to wherever I am.

Whenever there are moments of relief I go with my breath as a tongue to look for sadness in the corners of my heart and I find traces.

I wonder if  I my pain is part of an overall planetary situation (like it has been in the past) or something chemical in my head.

Tomorrow is another day.