body is truthful.

A very interesting remark by David Bohm one the concept of “me-ness”. The illusion that we think that there is a “me” that I carry everywhere with me. I need to watch each time that “feeling” arises especially when I speak to people or get impressions from conversations or when im self conscious and watch myself from the stand point of other people is visually flashed in my head.
The other amazing line that David Bohm mentioned was that the body is truthful. When we say get insulted or get stressed we can possibly condition our minds to say ..hey im not affected by this or im cool..these things don’t affect me. I have effectively trained the mind to lie to me. But the body will get a clear sensation if we are hurt.

The body does not lie.

I must listen to what the body says and listen more carefully.

Two simultaneous existences

It appeared to me today for a few moments we have two simultaneous existences – one as
pure awareness and one as experiencing the world through the body.
Experiencing through the body is an interesting process to explore. I see that th ne eyes
and the ears largely bring in the impressions, leading to a sensation, then impacting the
hormones and the glands and from the hormones to the mind and the mind takes an action.
Internal experiencing is impressions that come from the mind and it pretty much follows
the same pattern – thot leading to a sensation and sensation connected to a hormone leads
to stimulation in the mind and mind to action. All mechanical and associative.
As though the experiencing the world through the body largely following a habitual pattern.

Moments of non habitual experiencing I think happens when we can have the two
simultaneous existences – one as pure awareness and one as experiencing the world
through the body and a simultaneous recognition of both the experiencing.

Remembrances

1. Universe is only a creation of my own. I should go to the source and at the point where the attention and consciousness mixes with the senses.
2. Everything I see around me is my own creation. Its me in each manifestation.
3. It is a very thin bubble and if we at the first step believe that this is an illusion then it will burst. We have to constantly believe that this is an illusion.
4. Each visual impression, each thought reaction, each sensation only gives more information about myself.

for whom much is given..

So the journey continues. Last night halted at the indo-nepal border at a small village called Kodari. Was magic with the mountains so close. And the river continuing to follow us like Yudhistir’s dog. Or maybe we’re following the river. And then today at Zhangmu across the Chinese border. Into Tibet. The place is so artificial. All industrial looking. As tho the mountains have got a bad skin infection and metallic scabs.
What brings me here? What brings me to places like Tibet, Badrinath, Rishikesh? What brings me to masters like osho, sri sri, sadhguru and ravi ravindra? I struggle with everything. My exercises are all flops – be it speech, sensing or even chanting. Will this be a life wasted? Will all the efforts of my teachers be wasted? Will all the effort of the universe in bringing all these opportunities be of no avail?
I must atleast do my practices and change my diet to vegetarian and no coffee and tea.
And keep a daily journal of my day so I can squarely see for myself where I stand. Lord have mercy. Lord have mercy.

वात्चिंग वहत इस हप्पेनिंग inside

Another incredible breakthrough book – this book by Dada Gavand on his personal search. It has given me
hope and a fresh lease for my search in my struggle. This trip to Manasarovar and Kailash seems to be a
shock to wake me up from my poor and insufficient attemps to remember myself or do my practices.
And to culminate this physically strenuous trip with this book seem to be a thin rope held out by the
universe to help save my soul. Maybe the last time I may get any such help. So I better hang on to this
momentum and continue to deepen my practise.
Gavande’s book is almost like a déjà vu. I think I did chance upon this book years ago yet it did not
touch me as it does now. And Gavande describes in excruciating detail as to what he did in the
mountain – just watch the movements of his mind. With vigilance and without giving the mind
any escape in terms of analytics or imagination.
It is a fresh new adventure of watching the mind. Like a movie. It seems interesting and exciting.
I need to watch for self deception.

It gives me hope that this is really the technique. Do your kriyas and your yoga to improve the
being and use that energy to just watch the mind. And watch me watching me. Both
Krishnamurthy and Gavand say that the structure of the mind will collapse. With regular sadhana,
it maybe easier to withstand the tougher challenges of standing in front of one’s lack. What is
required to be done is to watch inward and then as one comes face to face with the points
where the ego will give a very tough fight, do conscious labour and intentional suffering.
God give me strength.