Sexual Desire

Sexual desire. This looks like a very fast centre. The sight of a woman, a pretty woman moves the “read-write” head of the brain to the sexual centre in the head and immediately releases a chemical that gives a sensation that is “agreeable”. I see sometimes that the stimuli is iconic. The shape of the woman, hair, even the voice automatically leads to this movement in the brain. Images from the brain stored from past memories, movies, and pictures are instantly fitted and the movement to the “happy centre of the brain” is made. This is so damn quick. It seems the hardwire is so strong.
Sometimes this is without stimuli. You wake up in the morning feeling this ache, this sensation. This appears to me as the ache of the soul wanting to know itself. When it is temporarily freed from the bedlam of noises or from the hammering of the self calming mechanisms we employ like smoking, drinking, movies, plays and so on that down its voice. So I wake up. And the ache is felt. The brain I have experienced immediately goes to the imagination centre and picks up a story, a face, a person to whom the attention is directed to and then a fantasy happens. Sometimes it leads to spent itself in sex or masturbation. Again this is so hard wired. I watch the brain quickly do this. It seems like a quick fix to get the ache to stop. I think each time there is an ache – do watch a movie, to have sex, to fall in love, it is the call. For me to respond to it as a responsible human being, I need to teach the brain to take the “read- write” head to the source of the ache. To put my ear close to that source and hear it. I cant be downing that noise with something louder. I need to be there. Stay with the ache. Not with commentary. Not with judgment. Just listen to it with my heart. Feel it. And try to understand its language. With complete attention.