Right now

Right now, I can sense a suffering. Its closest physical aspect is a kind of a ache in the nerves. Is this like stuff given to me to purify? While I feel the ache, I dont feel the resistance or the need to escape this. I watch the ache. Then I watch the "I". And wonder. What the hell is all this? THe I quickly now does not exist. Just the ache and the awareness of the ache. Then if I disappears, then what is the focal point and the starting point of all activity? Like breathing. Who is breathing? Am I passive as I watch or is there a part of me that is also doing? What is the form of me who is the passive watcher? Am I formless? All I know is I exist..or if I is imaginary..then existence is? what the hell is all this..