Its up to me

Its been a while since I have written.
We moved home to our own small place. Actually its wife's pied a terre gifted by he mum.
But it changed things significantly. We dont need to pay rent. Luckily wife's salary now supports us. Its a big grace that we get help from such unexpected sources.

My financial struggle has meanwhile not ended. I havent earned a singly penny and now it must be 4 years. Its stunning how with all the work experience and 2 prized professional degrees I have not managed to earn money yet.
Yet I am not in despair. I know this is a new start and all this suffering is payment for what is to come. I give my 100% to my work and I often ask god what is his plan? Even ask if I need to atone for something and to let me know how.
Its a gift to get such a life. No transformation in my life would have been possible without this shock that I am still going through. I am grateful because not everyone gets chosen. I only pray that I dont take short cuts and stay on course to fully justify all the efforts taken by the forces to get me here. Now its up to me.