On not knowing

In my daily life my actions are driven towards achieving specific results. Sometimes there are results that I expect. Sometimes there are no results or results different from what I expected.

Sometimes I wait for the results. It is a state of not knowing.

In this state I stay between an action and its outcome as expected of me. This is a moment where Time enters with its merciless torment. The mind which is expected results does not know how to wait. It pushes me for more activity. More follow ups.

What do I do here? Do I continue activity because for some reason activity takes the pressure off. The pressure of waiting.

But how do I approach staying and waiting. What is the force that allows me to wait because as I am right now, I do not know what the future holds.

How long to wait? Will the energy of hope turn to despair and then anger ?

Then I think – best thing is to surrender to the forces of the universe. Do what you wish with me. But don’t keep me in the dark. Get it over with soon.

There is something very potent when I am waiting in the unknown zone. Can I wait without hope on one side and surrender on the other? Can I just wait and taste this pain of anxiety inside me? Can I taste the emotions of considering, a feeling of being treated unfairly,  that I am currently experiencing ? Can I do it without the relief of tears that are largely excretements of self pity.

Can I stay at the threshold of the unknown simply and with courage?