Waiting

How does one have a complete sense of surrender? Leave everything to the Universe? Especially since people involved in certain situation are dependent on you? Your employees, family? When is waiting the right action?

Quote by Nisargadutta

" There is only Life. There is nobody who lives a life"

Body and I

It appeared during the yoga class yesterday..and as I type now, that the body follows instructions from me. Its like driving a car. Since I dont see clearly the 'hand-off' point of the instructor (me) and the body's receiving of it in its 'receiving centre', I think Im the body. It seems to be a very subtle communication. There is something in the consciousness(me) that has a 'wire' into this body. It appears that Im the "Will" but the body can be disobedient and refuse compliance.That is when this difference gets blurred because "I" gets identified with the body. So long as the body is given instructions to do what 'it' likes, there seem no issue to separate "I" and 'the body'.

I need to continue to recognise and believe that Im not just the body only the driver of the car.

Notes on meeting with Prof Seshan in Bangalore

1. Again now, again now. Only present moment.
2. All events coming in my life is a way of universe communicating to me. If my response is right then the universe will communicate correctly and things will start changing.
3. I have to take responsibility for everything happening to me.
4. Discipline in everything. Eat half a stomach full always. Sex leave it to nature.
5. Attitude: Ah now I have relief that I don’t have to blame others for everything.
6. If one has a deep wish and will to be mindful always it will happen. That is the only thing required.

Lighter journey

The attitude to the search seems to be the key. How can i let this journey be natural..like the natural ripening of a fruit. let this happen. unbud.

how can "suffering" be approached from an attitude of joyousness instead of something very tragic and hinting of martyrdom? Nature made sex fun. No one would procreate if it was all hard work.

So there must be a way for the search to the way towards inner life to be fun..if indeed its in line with nature's plan of action..

Bangalore Work Weekend

John said the theme is " as I am". So how is it going to be not in a 'work mode'? how is it that i can be as I am and yet keep an attention inside to watch these personalities at work? or see where the edges of my personalities as i am in real life and truly learn how to be 'as i am' in life but never consider internally? what are my roles in life ? what are the times when these roles contradict each other and thereby create a personality crisis if happened simultaneously? can see my masks of each roles?

In-Out

"What we say aloud is my personality. What we say inward is our essence. Now can we say aloud what we say inward and say inward what we say aloud?" - Orage.

Till the Work Period

Found my Partkdolg Duty from now to the Work period. May god give me strength. Let this be not 'my' work but what is needed to be done thru me. Let the inner lovemaking commence. replacing all else. the denying source holds the key. So the inner child can be born.

To sing along

It appears to me that the world runs in a manner that is quite fascinating. The initial impulse of action seem to come from us – and this impulse is based on our wishes, ambitions, fears, desires, self importance. Then there appears to be a will of the Universe, a definite plan by which there is a design being sought to be put into fruition. The universe seems to use the initial impulse of our personal action and then controls it towards what it wants to finally achieve.
At our personal levels these appear to be successes or failures, happiness or sadness, achievements and disappointments. But in a larger scale these probably are only the execution elements of the Universal plan. Like say we want to build a dam and then channels to guide the waters to the various villages and then the fields within those villages. If the river had dreams of its own to travel to other villages or other fields, these would be termed as disappointments. We would have a sad river who had wishes of its own but kept getting barriers and over time it changed course to avoid the barriers so it could continue on its own personal path. At our level we just executed an architect's plan of a dam. But if the river’s personal wishes were exactly coinciding with our plans, then of course the river would be contented and happy.

The secret seems then to be, to kind of read the language of where the Universe is nudging us to do its will and pretty much go there. So what happens to personal wishes? They are real..feel real.

On the other hand the question is, why do we have this dichotomy? Why were’nt we programmed such that our wishes were only that the Universe wished us to have ? I guess like the mango tree that grows mangoes or the tiger that hunts and kills. Therein I think lies the mystery and privilege of a human life. We have an option of a small choice. Why is that given to us?


…My heart longs to join in thy song,
But vainly struggles for a voice’
I would speak, but
Speech breaks not into song,
And I cry out baffled….
-Tagore

Balance Sheet

It is interesting to read that the vivifyingness of the vibrations of the energy from food happens only after it crosses the note "Sol". Sol as per Gurdjieff is in the Cerebellum. The Do is in the Stomach, Re is in the Duodenum, Mi in the Liver, Fa in the hemispheres of the head-brain and Sol in the Cerebellum. Then interesingly La it seems "passes thru the nerve nodes of the spine and the breast to form the sperm in men and eggs in the ovaries.

Sol in Cerebellum is interesting. It is the point where the body balances. And balancing is a continuous activity. Almost like the Buddha's middle path. Or like Gurdjieff have been to have remarked ..its easier to go either extreme. Total silence or total fasting. Attention is needed when we speak only what is needed and eat only what is needed for example. This requires our active participation. This the the Sol.
So then what is my Sol with respect to my relationships? What is asked of me? what is the balance I seek? is it the balance between love and attachment ?

Watcher

It now seems that the only task is to watch. Watching seems to be the only responsibility. It appears that the duration and the quality of watching is a function of the amount of energy one accumulates. Hence Sadhana. To create more energy and to reduce energy leakage.

S1 12 and being Exioehary from Beelzebub

Beelzebub calls Si12 being Exioehary. And then he talks about abstinence and the results thereon.
Page 807
"The result of these serious pnderings of theirs was that the conviction at first arose in them that this self perfection could probably be actualised by itself by ejection from oneself in the customary manner these substances formed in them called sperm....

..and it was only the second generation of them who ultimately, after long conscious observation and intensive active mentations, categorically understood that this was indeed possible, exclusively on the condition of a ceaseless fulfillment of Partkdolg-duty..

and he goes on saying that monks who abstain but does not perform their conscious labours and intentional suffering either go fat or go very thin.
Mme De salzmann says about energy."...if its not taken by the higher, its taken by the lower." And this can mean all kinds of imagination, restless of the body and so on.
Unconscious and involuntary process of the Exioehary indeed is disatrous and dangerous.

Language of the Universe

Chosing the right action,, it appears is about trying to learn the language of the universe. The only way to learn it, it appears is through trial and error. Krishnamurti says that only when we watch our thoughts arise can we truly be free of the control, of mechanicality, of past templates of action based on reactions.
So what is right action? The action that the Universe wishes to get done through me? And how do I sense where this urge/impulse is coming from? On one hand there is the pull of the ego, and all actions designed to preserve the personality and on the other hand the urges coming from the Universe? How do I understand this language of the urges?

How do I see things with more and more impartiality? Maybe use mediums of perception that cannot be manipulated and corrupted by the mind? Like the sensation of the body and feelings?

On Losing Control

J Krishnamurti..

"One must inquire into the whole problem of control. Most of us try to control our responses our reactions; we try to suppress or to shape our desires.....So can you live a life without single control? - which does not mean induldging in whatever you want. Please put a question to yourself: can you live a life - which is at present so disastrous, so mechanical so repetitive - without a single sense of control? This can only happen when you perceive with complete clarity; when you give your attention to every thought that arises-not just indulge in thought.

When you give such complete attention then you will find out that you can live without the the conflict that arises from control.

What am I the food of ?

It is interesting to read about what Gurdjieff had to speak about classification of consciousness based on firstly what a creature eats, secondly by what it breathes and finally by the medium he breathes.

Man feeds on H768 (food), breathes H192(air), and lives in H192(air). A worm feeds on H1536 ( say coarse flour..coarser than say the rotis we eat), breathes H192(air) and lives in H1536.
A fish feeds on H1536, breathes H192 and lives in H 384(water).
A tree feeds on H 1536, breathes partly H96/partly H192 and lives in H3072(soil).

Humans cannot directly eat H1536 which worms or lamb or fish can.
Therefore it is possible to say that the intelligence of a matter is determined by the creature for whom it can serve as food. Therefore for eg..a baked potato has more intelligence than a raw potato?

So how do i become food of the gods? How do I bake well so the gods eat me?

Man's food is H 768. This he cannot change. He breathes H192. This he cannot change. But what is can improve is in intake of "impressions" and this way intake finer impressions into his organism. A man is not obliged to take in the dull impressions of H48. He can have H24, H12, H6 and even H3. This changes the whole picture..for those who produce and feed their factory finer hydrogens..will be different from those who feed their machine will less finer hydrogens..

and so the more i bake, the more i would take in nourishment from finer and finer hydrogens..and feed the gods..?

"I am food, I am food, I am food! I am the eater of food, I am the eater of food, I am the eater of food! I am the uniter, I am the uniter, I am the uniter" - Taitriya Upanishad.

Sacrificing suffering

...quote from Ouspensky as told to him by G. "Another thing the people must sacrifice is their suffering. A man will renounce any pleasures you like but he will never give up his suffering...."

what does that mean...to sacrifice one's suffering..? is it freedom from self pity? or is there anything more in this..?

why is the word sacrifice used...is there something voluntary here as opposed to running away?

Octaves and Chakras

Interesting talk by Sri sri where he talks about the emotional aspect of the energy at different chakras.

At the (Base of spine)Mooladhara - the energy manifests as either activity or passivity.

At (perinium) Swadishtana - it takes on the manifestation of sexual sensations

At (Navel) Manipura - it manifests as Jealousy or Generosity

At (Heart) Anahata - it manifests as Love or hate

At (THroat) Vishudhi - it manifests as Gratitude or Sadness (catch in the throat?)

At (eyebrow centre) Ajna - it manifests as Awareness or Anger

At (top of the head/fonataine) Sahasrara - its pure joy.

It is amazing to see that in each chakra we can see the manifestation of the descending the ascending octaves -one with a lower emotion and the other with a higher..and the sex centre is even more interesting. seems to be an intersection point.

Who is?

Kabir says O Sadhu! God is the breath of all breath.

Who is breathing..?

Who is watching..?


Is attention the tongue on which we taste all experiences?

Food Factory - THanx to Anu

Ignore button

I seem to have an ignore button..whose job is to quickly sweep under the carpet any impression falling on my. When I caught the bastard in the act, it was amazing. There is a constant stream of impressions coming to me..be it the impression of a stranger or the impression of a planeful of people as I enter an aircraft..or inward shrinking to avoid touching people in a crowd. And for a millisecond i experience it. VEry clearly. And then before it gets registered into me consciously, the Ignore button appears and very clearly says "ignore this" and its gone.

And therefore my life is lived partially!

So constant vigilance..for the Ingore button