Present Moment Notes

Rite now the body is feeling strange. I am watching Matrix. Rite now a coconut palm outside the window is moving. There is a crow sitting on anotehr leaf. I am watching myself watching the movie..i feel nothing. Rite now Im thirsty. Rite nw I can feel Rebon's head and neck resting on my left thigh. I feel mentally drained. I look again out of the window.  A gentle breeze is moving the palm fonds. I realise that i write slower than the present moment so there is a lag. I fee a window slide open in the balcony 3 floor across. What am i working on rite now? I can sense no feelings. Im dead inside. My right small toe root bone hurt. I hear the sounds from the movie..train passing. wheels screeching.running footsteps.
i can hear no sounds other than the sounds from the movie. I feel I need to sleep or eating something to get back to a familiar state. I hear  myself hear the sounds in the movie. I sneeze. Watched the sneeze. now feel different. thought energy leaked with the sneeze..seeing the sentinels trying to enter the hull of the space ship of Morpheus. THinking of thoughts trying to enter and take me away from the present. maybe they just did. But here i am . Back again. its 14:26. Gone out. Back in again. Feel a tinge of love in side. romantic. 1ts 14:28. top of the head has a sensation. GOne. Saw Neo see the Matrix by association to the sight Buddha saw on his enlightenment. the whole law. the whole matrix.

Wed. Oct 5 228 pm

The being is feeling very vulnerable. And drained of all energy. Back of the neck has a burn. Yet I feel that these are just the shadow side of the energy waiting to be transformed. Brahmi was taken today morning. I can hear and see the sounds of autos passing by. Visually too.the sunlight is sparkling. golden blood of the universe. i remembered present moment seeing needs to include the heart. Dr Lad's advice. One arrow out and one arrow back to the heart. Buses and more cars. pulled back into the mind. some office work. Now back again. I need to remember it is grace to be in present moment. its special. it feels so. more sparking leaves. my body is weak. i can hear the sounds from the edits. I still feel im not alive fully. I now watch my breathing. i can truly feel the body pulling in the air. this cant be a dream. Breath and body seems to be the reality check on present moment. im tired.. Will stay but wont write.

Present moment practices

Moment to Moment awareness. I need to remember that. The energy needs to be employed in staying here and now. Even as I write now. I know I keep getting pulled back into my mind. The gravitational pull of the moon. But I start again. I need to learn to be effortless. Its still very heavy for me. My vision is limited so I cannot take all of the present moment in. Its slices of visual then some sounds some then some sensation of the body. Its not all encompassing.Maybe I need to understand this more.

Aghora Notes

Kul-Devi                            Hinglaj Mata The Temple is in Baluchistan/Pakistan. Its the Shaktipeeth where the                  
                                          head of Sati fell.

India Headquarters               Baba Keena Ram Sthal. Ravindra Puri, Varanasi. Baba Keena Ram's tomb is in  
                                            that place.

Places to see in Varanasi

Burning Ghats

Manikarnika

Harishchandra

Ashrams

Tailang Swami

Kinaram Aghori

Vallabhacharya

Temple

Kashi Vishwanath

Hebrew Alphabets esoteric suggestions

The Hieroglyphical Interpretation of the Hebrew Alphabet. *

p. 6

Some men strive after wealth; some would like to be strong and healthy; others again wish for fame and renown. But the wise ones apply their hearts to knowledge, so that knowing, they may understand the purpose of their lives and work out their destiny before the night cometh. —From the Writings of Moses Maimonides.

p. 7

‏א‎ A

—Aleph.—Man himself as a collective unity, a principal, the lord and master of the earth. The universal man, and the human genre. Esoterically, unity, the central point, the abstract principle of a thing; as a sign it expresses power, stability, and continuity; the superlative, a kind of an article, as a prefix rendering the meaning more serious and enhancing its significance.
Its arithmetical value is 1.

‏ב‎ B

—Beth.—The mouth as man's organ of speech, his interior, and his habitation; it denotes virility, paternal protection, and interior action, and movement. It is the integral and indicative article of the Hebrew language.
This letter in conjunction with the one preceding it—Aleph—forms all ideas of progress, of graduated advance, the passage from one state into another = locomotion.
Its arithmetical number is 2.
p. 8

‏ג‎ G

—Gimel.—The throat, and everything that is hollow. It denotes every kind of opening, outlet, canal, and all manner of things concave, hollow, and profound, it expresses organic covering, and serves to produce all derived ideas of the bodily organism and its actions.
Its arithmetical number is 3.

‏ד‎ D

—Daleth.—Signifies breast, bosom. It is the emblem of the universal quaternary, that is the origin of all physical existence. Symbolically: every nourishing substance, and abundance of possessions.
It expresses division, and things divisible. Chaldaic: an article of a very distinctive nature.
Its arithmetical number is 4.
p. 9

‏ה‎ H

—Hai.—Everything that vitalizes, i.e., air, life, and being. It is the symbol of universal life, and represents the breath of man, the spirit, and the soul. Everything that vivifies. Life, and the abstract idea of being. It is an article, especially emphasizing and giving prominence to objects, and persons.
Its arithmetical number is 5.

‏ו‎ W

—Waw.—Signifies the eye of man and becomes the symbol of light; it also represents the ear and becomes the symbol of the sound of the air, the wind. In its quality as a consonant it is the emblem of water, and represents the taste, and the appetite. As a grammatical sign it is considered to be the image of mystery most profound, and most incomprehensible, the symbol of the knot that unites, and of the point which separates Being and Non-being.
Its arithmetical value is 6.
p. 10

‏ז‎ Z

—Zain.—Signifies whistling, and applies to all piercing noises which penetrate the air and reflect themselves in it. As a symbol it is represented by a stroke, a dash, and an arrow. Everything that tends to a given point. As a grammatical sign it is the abstract image of a tie which connects things with one another.
Its arithmetical number is 7.

‏ח‎ CH

—Cheth.—Signifies the principle of vital aspiration and is the symbol of elementary existence. It represents the field of man, his labour, and everything that requires an effort on his part; his care, his solicitude. As a grammatical sign it holds a middle place between the sign of life absolute and the sign of relative life. It also is the image of equilibrium, and of equality, and attaches itself to all ideas of effort and of normal action.
Its arithmetical number is 8.
p. 11

‏ט‎ T

—Teth.—Signifies an asylum, a refuge, which man provides for himself for his protection. As a grammatical sign it denotes resistance and shelter. Its esoteric meaning is that of a hiding wall erected to guard something precious, and a watch over a dear object in the midst of danger.
Its arithmetical number is 9.

‏י‎ J

—Yod.—Signifies all manifested power. It represents the hand of man, his pointing finger. As a grammatical sign it denotes potential manifestation in contradistinction to actual, and also intellectual duration and eternity. As a consonant it is of inferior value and means only material duration. Plato thought it designated everything tender or delicate.
Its arithmetical number is 10.
p. 12

‏כ‎ Q

—Kaaw.—Signifies every subject that is hollow in general, and the half closed hand of man in particular. As a grammatical sign it is the symbol of reflection and assimilation, and typifies the assimilative nature and the passing life.
It is a kind of mould, receiving and communicating indifferently all forms. The movement which it expresses is that of similitude and of analogy.
Its arithmetical number is 20.

‏ל‎ L

—Lamed.—Signifies extension. As a symbolical image it represents the arm of man, and the wing of a bird; everything that extends or elevates itself, displaying its proper nature. It denotes a movement of extension, of direction, expressing reunion, coincidence, dependence, and possession.
Its arithmetical number is 30.
p. 13

‏מ‎ M

—Mem.—Signifies woman. It is the symbolic image of man's mother and companion. Everything that is fruitful and formative. Employed as a grammatical sign it denotes maternity, external and passive action. Placed at the beginning of words it expresses that which is local, and plastic, while at the end, it becomes the collective sign. It develops a being in infinite space as much as its nature permits, or it unites through abstraction one or two of the same species. It is the extractive article, and is used to designate an action divided in its essence, or something taken out from a number of similar things.
Its arithmetical number is 40.
p. 14

‏נ‎ N

—Mm.—Signifies the son of man, every being that is individualized, and distinctive. At the end of a word it denotes augmentation and extension. It has the double virtue of recoiling upon itself, and of spreading out. At the commencement of a word it expresses the former, while as a final it signifies the latter.
Its arithmetical number is 50.

‏ס‎ S

—Samech.—Signifies to hiss. It is considered to be the type of a bow and esoterically represents the great cosmic bow, the string of which hisses in the hands of mankind. As a grammatical sign it is the circular movement having a definite relation to the limited circumference of every sphere.
Its arithmetical number is 60.
p. 15

‏ע‎ E

—Aim.—Signifies hearing. It represents the ear of man, and its interior parts, and is the symbol of all noises, and indistinguishable sounds. Everything that is devoid of harmony. It typifies the cavity of the chest.
As a grammatical sign it stands for the material sense, the image of emptiness and nothingness. It is used to describe everything crooked, low and perverse.
Its arithmetical number is 70.

Pei, ‏פ‎ or P, meaning the Open Mouth, Value 80.

The symbol of expression, that through which man makes himself known in the outer world, hence the literal meaning, mouth; the Second Race of Man.
The outlet; the outward and visible means for the Spirits' manifestation.
p. 16

Tzaddi, ‏צ‎ or Tz, literal meaning Fish Hook or Dart. Value 90.

Esoterically relating to accomplished ends and the later Third Race.
The double hermaphrodite Caduceus.
The sign of protection and signifies guidance from above. God's favor shown to the Disciple on the Path.

Q-oph or Coo-eph. ‏ק‎ or Q, Value 100.

Literally the Ape, the sign of nature's submerged stratum; the Subliminal consciousness. The evolutionary stage which is behind us.
p. 17

Reisch, ‏ר‎ R, Value 200, literally Meaning Head.

Symbol of the Fifth Race, determination and progress, individual movement.
Independence, self-help, self-initiated endeavor.
Direction, a center of generating motion starting of its own accord.

‏ש‎ SH

—Shein.—Signifies light movement, and sweet sounds.
Esoterically it symbolizes that part of a bow from which the arrow darts hissing. It is the sign of relative duration and of the movement appertaining to it.
At the commencement of a verb it gives it double power of conjunction.
Its arithmetical number is 300.
p. 18

‏ת‎ TAU

—Taw.—Signifies reciprocity. The ancient Egyptians regarded this letter as a symbol of the universal soul.
It stands for sympathy, and for perfection, of which it is the emblem.
Its arithmetical number is 400

From Gospel of Philip

1.     You say the Spirit in the flesh, and it is also this light in the flesh. (But) this too is a matter which is in the flesh, for whatever you shall say, you say nothing outside the flesh. It is necessary to rise in this flesh, since everything exists in it. In this world, those who put on garments are better than the garments.

2.     Faith receives, love gives. No one will be able to receive without faith. No one will be able to give without love. Because of this, in order that we may indeed receive, we believe, and in order that we may love, we give, since if one gives without love, he has no profit from what he has given.

3.     When a blind man and one who sees are both together in darkness, they are no different from one another. When the light comes, then he who sees will see the light, and he who is blind will remain in darkness.

4.     When Eve was still with Adam, death did not exist. When she was separated from him, death came into being. If he enters again and attains his former self, death will be no more.
5.     Adam came into being from two virgins, from the Spirit and from the virgin earth. Christ therefore, was born from a virgin to rectify the Fall which occurred in the beginning.

The Problem is Identification

Krishnamurti - there is pain, but there is no Your pain. There is Joy but there is no Your joy. There is feeling success - but there is no Your success. Same for failure.

But the brain seems to identify. As though there is a device in the head that links an emotion or a thought to an entity. Why cant there be just the experience without the pain-sufferer? Then suffering can happen as a service rather than self-pity. Then success can be a service rather than an ascribing oneself with the talent or ability.

Krishnamurti has been very helpful here again. Suffering is a disturbance of energies. at various levels. Gurdjieff would however give it levels. Grosser elements needing evolution. Energies of pain, suffering are these grosser energies trying to evolve.

So when there is a disturbance across levels - and I imagine an ocean of energies moving all the time - "I" encounter it. .
So there is an experience Maybe at the psychological level. Or at the physical. Or emotional

So first it could just be the experience. Maybe at the emotional level And then an emotional experience. Then as Krishnamurti says - "We Then Bring our Mind to it". And I feel that is when there is self pity, selfishness, ascribing to oneself , successes and failures etc.

The vigilance therefore needed is To Know When the Mind has "Come in".
When i ask - oh why does this hae to happen to me?? Or "this is how I cracked this" . or poor me..or how can i find a solution and get out of this?

We know then the mind is getting involved.

I need to go so close to the pain so that I am that pain. Like when I listen to Sound so close. There is no pain then because there is no 'other'.

God give me grace and strength.

Books on Alchemy

(from http://forum.alchemyforums.com/archive/index.php/t-1006.html)

There's a lot of books that cover different angles on alchemy.

Here are some of my favorites:

For beginners, a good history is nice to have. There are lots of good

books written on specific alchemists or Jewish alchemy or Indian alchemy,

etc. So for a nice intro I'll list three:

"Alchemy and Alchemists" by Sean Martin

"Alchemy" by E.J. Holmyard

"Alchemy" by Titus Burckhardt

There's also a couple "coffee table" type books that fall into that last category:

"Secrets of the Alchemists" by the editors of Time-Life books

"Alchemy, the Ancient Science" by Neil Powell

Another "coffee table" book that is quite broader than just alchemy and

very good is

"The Secret Teachings of All Ages" by Manly P. Hall

For symbols and images:

"The Alchemical Mandala" by Adam McLean

"Alchemy and Mysticism" by Alexander Roob

"Alchemy, the Secret Art" by Stanislas Klossowski de Rola

"The Golden Game" by same as above

There are a couple dictionaries of alchemy you might find useful. I don't

use mine much, but two of them are:

"The Dictionary of Alchemy" by Mark Haeffner

"The dictionary of alchemy" by Diana Fernando

Probably a better dictionary is the one by Antoine Pernety.

On symbols, but in a place all its own, we must include Fulcanelli:

Mystere de Cathedrals, and Dwellings of the Philosophers

For spiritual or inner alchemy, my favorite is

"The Hermetic Tradition" by Julias Evola

Many people like "Initiation into Hermetics" by Franz Bardon

Another one is "Seven Hermetic Letters" by Georg Lomer

Mark Stavish is a practical alchemist who also writes on spiritual subjects.

Another book is "The Tower of Alchemy" by David Goddard (personally

don't care for it).

One that isn't specifically alchemy, but I really like is

"The True and Invisible Rosicrucian Order" by Paul Foster Case

Now the Classics:

Besides Fulcanelli,

"The Hermetic Museum" by A.E. Waite

"Triumphal Chariot of Antimony" by Basil Valentine

"Collectanea Chemica" by A.E. Waite

"The Art of Distillation" by John French

"The Great Art" by Antoine Pernety

"Golden Manuscripts" by Frater Albertus

"The Alchemists Handbook" also Frater Albertus

Commentary on Mutus Liber by Adam McLean

Compendium of Alchemical Processes - anonymous

and my personal favorite:

18th Century Chemistry as it Relates to Alchemy

RAMS digital library is a must!

Recent contemporary practical alchemists:

Robert Alan Bartlett - "Real Alchemy" and "The Way of the Crucible"

The Weiser concise guide to Alchemy by Brian Cotnoir

Complete Idiot's guide to Alchemy by William Hauck

One of the best IMO is "The Practical Handbook of Plant Alchemy" by Manfred Junius

You might want to get a good herbal:

Culpepper's is very popular and has astrological assignments.

Weiner's Herbal is a good one also IMO.

You might want to study astrology.

You might want to study Hermeticism:

"The Kybalion" and "The Hermetica" are good works

Also a nice book on rocks and minerals that gives you their composition.

I like "A Pocket guide to Rocks and Minerals" by James Lagomarsino

Red and White

Two Key Alchemical materials - Sulphur and Mercury
Represented by the colours - Red and white

So the magic of Christ in Caana of converting water (white) into wine (red) or Last supper - Flesh(white) Blood(red) and the symbology at the end of Mass - Host(white) dipped in Wine(red)

Quote about Pictures and Iconography

Our essence does not understand the language of the intellect, only the language of pictures

Pitutary and Pineal

Pitutary - Sun
Pineal   - Moon

Pineal Gland

My view is that this gland is the principal seat of the soul, and the place in which all our thoughts are formed. The reason I believe this is that I cannot find any part of the brain, except this, which is not double. Since we see only one thing with two eyes, and hear only one voice with two ears, and in short have never more than one thought at a time, it must necessarily be the case that the impressions which enter by the two eyes or by the two ears, and so on, unite with each other in some part of the body before being considered by the soul. Now it is impossible to find any such place in the whole head except this gland; moreover it is situated in the most suitable possible place for this purpose, in the middle of all the concavities; and it is supported and surrounded by the little branches of the carotid arteries which bring the spirits into the brain.[25] (29 January 1640, 

New Will Needed

I have to re-awaken the Will. I have been easy on myself. There is no easy road to the Truth. To be one of the Adepts. I cant fail each test. I need to filter out the impressions. So I can have more strength to transmute the sexual energy from within. I have to remember that I have to be unaffected by the laws of the planet to then be a a level of higher laws. I have done it before. Passed all the tests. Now to do it again. This time with a new energy field and new energy. Even more subtle. But the principles are the same.

The impression that causes sexual response comes from the fact that the brain/being is wired to respond to the female form, and then the attention from the female form. It follows nature's law of the descending octave. This energy is powerful and can sweep me, unless I calibrate the dosage of impressions that I can handle for transformation. Till I have the male elements of the planet earth, I will continue to respond to the female impressions. Untill one can have the impressions and not feel a thing . Only then there is a freedom from these laws.
But the sexual energy is sacred and therefore must be used for my aim.

Right now, its about Will for me. I need to not also get tempted by the theory of " Its nature and let the sexual octave follow its natural course'. I just need to for a period of time, deal with a complete denial of the urge for sexual release.
So help me god.

From Snake and Peacock

And then a Voice from within spoke to Adi and told him: 'That is not all. These two creatures are both endowed with life: that is their determining factor. They fight because each has settled for his own kind of life, thinking it to be the realization of a true status. One, however, guards treasure and cannot use it. The other reflects beauty, a treasure, but cannot transform himself with it. In spite of their not having taken advantage of what was open to them, they yet symbolize it, for those who can see and hear.'

The Who am I question

The Who Am I question/vibration has a  meaning only when I have a, albeit for a few moment, a sense of my nothingness. A moment where there is a clear vision, that I am not the body/mind/emotion. One tries to then anchor around something material, tangible, if only to experience the feeling that one is alive...one exists. Then I find that there is no floor to stand on. Then one can ask the question.

Otherwise the question leads one to another direction. Like we approach any other question. Trying to sift through a series of images stored in the memory and match it with the image we are seeking.

But here there is not image. We cant ask it like any of our questions..It has to be a question without words, without images, immersing fully in the experiencing of being alive

Tibetan chant

Royalty-free music for professional licensing

How do I approach to I am or Who am I ?

 JK says, dont try any method/technique. Maharaj says all one needs to do is be in the I am.

I have to practice to be in the Iam as much as possible. Use sensations as  the gateway to Iam. I am as a feeling..or as a vibration..no imagery.. i would need to be reminded that this is all that I need to do..a focus to 'let happen'

Emerald Tablet of Hermes Trismegistus

The seven stages of alchemical transformation given in the Emerald Tablet -

Calcination Its father is the Sun.
Dissolution Its mother the Moon.
Separation The Wind carries it in its belly.
Conjunction Its nurse is the Earth.
Fermentation Separate the Earth from Fire, the Subtle from the Gross.
Distillation It rises from Earth to Heaven and descends again to Earth.
Coaglation Glory of Whole Universe; greatest Force of all powers. 

Top of Form

Bottom of Form

The Endless Search © 2004 - 2005 Ian C. MacFarlane

True, without error, certain and most true: that which is above is as that which is below, and that which is below is as that which is above, to perform the miracles of the One Thing.

And as all things were from One, by the meditation of One, so from this One Thing come all things by adaptation. Its father is the Sun, its mother is the Moon, the wind carried it in its belly, the nurse thereof is the Earth.

It is the father of all perfection and the consummation of the whole world. Its power is integral if it be turned to Earth.

Thou shalt separate the Earth from the Fire, the subtle from the coarse, gently and with much ingenuity. It ascends from Earth to heaven and descends again to Earth, and receives the power of the superiors and the inferiors.

Thus thou hast the glory of the whole world; therefore let all obscurity flee before thee. This is the strong fortitude of all fortitude, overcoming every subtle and penetrating every solid thing. Thus the world was created. Hence are all wonderful adaptations, of which this is the manner.

Therefore am I called Hermes the Thrice Great, having the three parts of the philosophy of the whole world. That is finished which I have to say concerning the operation of the Sun.

Who am I

So who am I? There is this centre I can sense it. That really sees. That really feels. That really hears. That really experiences all.
My first challenge is that I for approaching this question I only have my current framework. To begin with I have a face. This "who am I?" does not seem to have  a face. How am going to deal with me not having a face? or not even a body? Then there is this body of memories that makes me what I am. How can I approach a Who am I question that discards all past and is just present?

Then there is this paradox that Who am I is asking the question too( and who is writing right now)..like sephiroth. So I need to hold the tail and go back to the source. Or just catch the "I am" when "I" see it as the watcher or the listener. Just sticking close to it. But I find that I dont have the pool of attention to stay long enough before the secret is  revealed to me. Almost like an underwater dive where I cant hold my breath beyond a limit.
Then there is the gradual approach. Of being in the Iam as much as possible. More a feeling supported by a breathing inside.A feeling of my breath brushing against a corner of the heart on the right side of the body in the in breath.
But when I look at the eye that is looking through my physical eye I see its localisation in a different place.

This is the other problem. One of localisation of who am I in space, Because  "I am" is supposed to pervade all space how can i localise it using my body as the measure?

Activity and Action. This is the other approach. That I do nothing and let things happen because "It"  has   a better idea of the lay of the land inside me. Activity of doing tasks or various spiritual practices - do they come in the way? Are they done so that the "mind" is happy that something is being done and energy engaged? Is spiritual practices the greatest deception? And all one needs to try is to allow things to happen?
But its not simple I feel. Where does one get the strength to overcome fear? because I cannot receive when one is closed. And fear is the energy that closes. Makes us closed. And not let "It" do its thing?
How do I transmute fear?

On remorse from Transcrips

Gurdjieff: When remorse comes without self-love, it gives us the desire for something better. But when it is mixed with self-love, it weights you down. The effect of true remorse is hatred of yourself, repugnance towards yourself. These two things make up true remorse of conscience....

"YOU HAVE TO FEEL A LOT OF THAT IN ORDER TO KILL YOUR ENEMY. WHEN YOU FEEL THIS DEPRESSION YOU SHOULD DO THE "I AM"., THEN YOU NEEDNT BE AFRAID OF BEING MORE DEPRESSED. ONLY THROUGH THIS IMPULSE CAN YOU TRANSCEND YOUR NOTHINGNESS. YOU SHOULD REJOICE THAT AN IMPULSE HAS AWAKENED IN YOU A REAL WILL TO CHANGE".

- From Meeting number twenty five - Thursday, 20th April , 1944.