Oasis

Its been 6 days. There is a lightness. The breath flows in and out of both nostrils freely. As though at the top of the head is a hole that allows air to flow in and out freely.
There is a lightness. I am not carrying on my shoulder the constant ache of sexual desire. And when that weight is removed suddenly I am light.

Nothing else has changed. But this is grace. This lightness. There is no effort. Everything can be done in me as need be done.

Faint fears of knowing one day this could go away. But right now none.

This is a taste.

If this is a record that is ever going to be read by any searcher...remember, all the effort and hard work and sacrifice is worth this moment.

Do your work

Harish..

You have got much. Now dont be lazy.
You have got on to something big after years of struggle and sacrifice.

Dont let go. Work harder. Listen. Just listen.

Feeling the I in different parts of the b.ody

Interesting exercise. To feel the "I" in the hands..or the feet or the face..

Insights on the Work

The Body is always in the Present Moment.

How to work well? Especially exercises that one cannot do even repeatedly? Its about egotism. We should not do this Work for personal benefit. We need to do it for our parents, and the people around us and for the people in the world. Its about duty now and not about personal search or about whether its fun or not. I have this physical body at my disposal to purify and make transparent so that the energy can flow down and help.." may Thine be on earth as it is in Heaven".

work period 2009

Work period 2009

The Gurdjieff Work is something else. It is not about “my” search. It is about creating a live pool of consciousness from which will incubate newer searchers and a cumulative pool of consciousness created out of the combined Work of everyone in the pool. This pool is the food for all and with this food, more efforts.
This work period one understood the beginnings of the word 'responsibility'. To be a Senior in the Work. To be responsible means “to respond” not react. To everything. To everyone. And the first step towards that is to listen. To everything. To everyone.
So what is my responsibility? In the Work, to keep it alive. To have searchers at all levels so that the current flows without any break, at any level. And to Work myself. Ceaselessly. Because the domino effect of one person working is unbelievable. One person gives energy to the pool that energizes everyone else's effort and when everyone Works, the surge in the pool is a huge multiple of that single drop that a single person contributed.
How do I Work Intelligently?
I need to develop the sensitivity to what is needed right now. To what needs to be served right now. So that the energy that wishes to evolve will not return disappointed.
I need to Listen. Learn that language of the voice of the energy behind the words. Of the wish of the energy behind the sensations. Of the fervour of the energy behind the racing thoughts. I need to keep Working, till I find a true taste of the connection that Mme De Salzmann speaks about.

Paying gratitude to the breakthrough

There is such a freedom when the search now excludes search for the "I". Now there is the joy of just being aware. However this is a gift from nature. From universe.

I now need to convert these fleeting glimpses of just experiencing without the experiencer or the "i" into a constant practice of experiencing pure. Sensation of the body, sensation of the breathing, sensation of hurt, of hunger, of anger.

God give me ur support.

Pulsations

When there is money in the bank or in the wallet, there is a constant steam of pulsation from that source. That provides ways for it to be spent. When there is a relationship - be it the boss, or girlfriend or wife or child or dog, there is a constant pulsing. There is the body that is constantly sending pulsations of its own needs. Everything stored sends pulsations so that action takes place and creates movement. As though nature is constantly pulsing and moving and creating. THe Awareness watches all this. How does the right action take place here? Is it the relative intensity of the pulsation? or something that guides? How can this guiding voice be found over the din of the mechanicality of habitual decision making?

The movement

It seems like a breakthrough. One needs to watch what is real. The sensation of the body is real. The sensation of the breathing is real. There is no I. Everything is an occurence. A phenomena that is experienced. Thoughts. Emotions. And when the I is removed then there is a shift that comes with the change in the vantage point. So 'I' dont breathe. 'I' dont eat. There is a sensation of taste and smell. There is a feeling of satisfaction. Body and mind follows its laws from the power of nature.

On birthday

How do i be more alive today? like i was the day i was born..! how do i know im alive..and know im alive..tomorrow..day after..day day after? i need to know i exist..i need to be present otherwise what is the point in having a movie ticket and not going for the show ?

Waiting

How does one have a complete sense of surrender? Leave everything to the Universe? Especially since people involved in certain situation are dependent on you? Your employees, family? When is waiting the right action?

Quote by Nisargadutta

" There is only Life. There is nobody who lives a life"

Body and I

It appeared during the yoga class yesterday..and as I type now, that the body follows instructions from me. Its like driving a car. Since I dont see clearly the 'hand-off' point of the instructor (me) and the body's receiving of it in its 'receiving centre', I think Im the body. It seems to be a very subtle communication. There is something in the consciousness(me) that has a 'wire' into this body. It appears that Im the "Will" but the body can be disobedient and refuse compliance.That is when this difference gets blurred because "I" gets identified with the body. So long as the body is given instructions to do what 'it' likes, there seem no issue to separate "I" and 'the body'.

I need to continue to recognise and believe that Im not just the body only the driver of the car.

Notes on meeting with Prof Seshan in Bangalore

1. Again now, again now. Only present moment.
2. All events coming in my life is a way of universe communicating to me. If my response is right then the universe will communicate correctly and things will start changing.
3. I have to take responsibility for everything happening to me.
4. Discipline in everything. Eat half a stomach full always. Sex leave it to nature.
5. Attitude: Ah now I have relief that I don’t have to blame others for everything.
6. If one has a deep wish and will to be mindful always it will happen. That is the only thing required.

Lighter journey

The attitude to the search seems to be the key. How can i let this journey be natural..like the natural ripening of a fruit. let this happen. unbud.

how can "suffering" be approached from an attitude of joyousness instead of something very tragic and hinting of martyrdom? Nature made sex fun. No one would procreate if it was all hard work.

So there must be a way for the search to the way towards inner life to be fun..if indeed its in line with nature's plan of action..

Bangalore Work Weekend

John said the theme is " as I am". So how is it going to be not in a 'work mode'? how is it that i can be as I am and yet keep an attention inside to watch these personalities at work? or see where the edges of my personalities as i am in real life and truly learn how to be 'as i am' in life but never consider internally? what are my roles in life ? what are the times when these roles contradict each other and thereby create a personality crisis if happened simultaneously? can see my masks of each roles?

In-Out

"What we say aloud is my personality. What we say inward is our essence. Now can we say aloud what we say inward and say inward what we say aloud?" - Orage.

Till the Work Period

Found my Partkdolg Duty from now to the Work period. May god give me strength. Let this be not 'my' work but what is needed to be done thru me. Let the inner lovemaking commence. replacing all else. the denying source holds the key. So the inner child can be born.

To sing along

It appears to me that the world runs in a manner that is quite fascinating. The initial impulse of action seem to come from us – and this impulse is based on our wishes, ambitions, fears, desires, self importance. Then there appears to be a will of the Universe, a definite plan by which there is a design being sought to be put into fruition. The universe seems to use the initial impulse of our personal action and then controls it towards what it wants to finally achieve.
At our personal levels these appear to be successes or failures, happiness or sadness, achievements and disappointments. But in a larger scale these probably are only the execution elements of the Universal plan. Like say we want to build a dam and then channels to guide the waters to the various villages and then the fields within those villages. If the river had dreams of its own to travel to other villages or other fields, these would be termed as disappointments. We would have a sad river who had wishes of its own but kept getting barriers and over time it changed course to avoid the barriers so it could continue on its own personal path. At our level we just executed an architect's plan of a dam. But if the river’s personal wishes were exactly coinciding with our plans, then of course the river would be contented and happy.

The secret seems then to be, to kind of read the language of where the Universe is nudging us to do its will and pretty much go there. So what happens to personal wishes? They are real..feel real.

On the other hand the question is, why do we have this dichotomy? Why were’nt we programmed such that our wishes were only that the Universe wished us to have ? I guess like the mango tree that grows mangoes or the tiger that hunts and kills. Therein I think lies the mystery and privilege of a human life. We have an option of a small choice. Why is that given to us?


…My heart longs to join in thy song,
But vainly struggles for a voice’
I would speak, but
Speech breaks not into song,
And I cry out baffled….
-Tagore

Balance Sheet

It is interesting to read that the vivifyingness of the vibrations of the energy from food happens only after it crosses the note "Sol". Sol as per Gurdjieff is in the Cerebellum. The Do is in the Stomach, Re is in the Duodenum, Mi in the Liver, Fa in the hemispheres of the head-brain and Sol in the Cerebellum. Then interesingly La it seems "passes thru the nerve nodes of the spine and the breast to form the sperm in men and eggs in the ovaries.

Sol in Cerebellum is interesting. It is the point where the body balances. And balancing is a continuous activity. Almost like the Buddha's middle path. Or like Gurdjieff have been to have remarked ..its easier to go either extreme. Total silence or total fasting. Attention is needed when we speak only what is needed and eat only what is needed for example. This requires our active participation. This the the Sol.
So then what is my Sol with respect to my relationships? What is asked of me? what is the balance I seek? is it the balance between love and attachment ?

Watcher

It now seems that the only task is to watch. Watching seems to be the only responsibility. It appears that the duration and the quality of watching is a function of the amount of energy one accumulates. Hence Sadhana. To create more energy and to reduce energy leakage.