Action when one can see one's nothingness

Now with the clear seeing of my own role in the cosmos, equanimity should follow subject to of course the relative state of being.
Since everything happens for a larger purpose, and my personal wishes or otherwise is not to primary objective for the action, it follows that personal joy and sorrow are results of identification with a specific result or outcome in my mind.
However, one cannot deny the physical experience of joy or sorrow when any event occurs. One needs to experience it and while experiencing it try to get a clear seeing because while at an intellectual level there is no identification, the fact of an experience of a  personal joy or sorrow is evidence of deeper identification.

It seems increasingly clear that desires have no significance except to goad one into action. Similarly also fears. Neither has any semblance in reality and there is no guarantee that with efforts either your desires will be fulfilled or your fears come true. There is a plan for everyone.
The action there fore can only be to do what one is told. Even prayer has to told when one is called to provide that material. Sometimes one is called in times of deep crisis sometimes in times of great success and sometimes just like that. Prayer is in some sense a return of the material transformed by our system directly to the source.
Life then needs to be lived understanding that nothing is mine. We have to live every moment being alive and yet not wanting anything for oneself. What one needs is understood better than us by the forces that brought us here into this planet and to submit to that is the only way to live a life with a semblance of order and meaning. Sometimes this understanding can also alleviate suffering especially if one can clearly see that the forces are too large for your tiny wishes and desires to come true easily. If one's wishes indeed do come true as one had planned , then it is possible that either, one was in sync with the plan of the universe and did every act thereafter towards that goal, in complete lawful conformity and compliance. Alternatively, it was achieved by the force of the ego, breaking natural order and will therefore leave a recoil in terms of karmic balancing act.
How does one align with the universe is still a great mystery but a possible direction towards it would be relinquishing the fruits of the action right from the inception of the desire. Ascribe it to the wish of a god who has placed that wish as a seed of personal desire in me but I am here to do what the god wants to achieve and not to fulfill my desire. If the work of the gods are done lawfully , I will get my reward but I must be surprised and astonished.

To be Put in one's place

Increasingly I can see that I am not doing anything. Peculiarly, instead of feeling happy, I feel an acute sadness. I do not feel the gratitude of serving something higher. 

Instead I dont find meaning in whatever I do. I feel that I am being micro managed and dont feel any sense of freedom or free will. The conscience or the "instruction receiving centre" receives an order, and I comply and help make it happen. I can see clearly that putting any kind of expectation on the fruits of labour is a useless activity firstly because the timing of that fruits I never know and secondly the fruits of labour actually come in a form and manner that I never expected but completely fulfilled what my needs were. 

I thought I willl be happy seeing all this. But sir, I feel very useless, a puppet and very small. I dont count at all. I am like cheap labour. My own wishes dont matter - because I get from the divine not what I want but what it knows I need and its gifts are indeed magical surprises.

So neither having a wish seem to matter not going after anything using that wish as a force seem to matter. All that seem to be my job is to wait in attendance and then just run and do whatever is 'told' to me. 

Any planning I do, is only to make me feel engaged. Even as I make plans, I see its futility but I do plan because it is an obligation and a road map towards that point when the plan has to be thrown out and wait for the universe to play out its larger game.

I still know know the source of my sadness. It is in some sense maybe a feeling of not being used to the fullest potential with intelligence and skill that seem to have been given to me through the body and life of Harish,  that I need to 'live' in this incarnation. I feel more like a mule who just needs to do as told and not to 'use my brains". 

The taste of this suffering is quite alien to me hence don't know how to cope. If it was anger or complete loss of faith in the wisdom of the universe, it would have been easier to deal with, but here there is acute faith and clear seeing,  but sense that my suffering may be due to "my" reluctance to be  under such a complete subordination to forces that I can see are so large and powerful. I feel impotent. It pains me so much to see that I dont matter and that I have to 'live' this life like this from now on.

Non expression of negative emotions

I am feeling and increasingly seeing that non expression of negative emotions is not what I understood as. It is not an external non expression but rather inner non expression. What does internal non expression mean?

It means that I dont in my imagination dream of ways in which I will avenge those who troubled me or who took advantage of me, and feel happy imagining all that I did to extract my revenge.

It also means that I dont imagine how I am now a big shot and people who dont know my real power try to dominate me and then when I display my power they suddenly growel and that makes me happy.

UNLESS I stop this I cannot move forward. I will continue to loop around this same area. Once I stop, then the universe will trust me with its future gifts.

The Study of the specific Law of knowing

In the Bhagwad Gita, Krishna is asked, Even though you knew that the Kurukshetra war was imminent, why did you still come as an emissary of peace trying to convince Duryodhan.

So what is the state of someone who has to carry on lawful action even though the outcome is known and that outcome will not be what the objective of the action will be. What drives such action where there is no personal motivation?

I would like to understand this and there fore here is  the experiment.

I visited an astrologer yesterday and I was told that there would be a lot of obstacles in the next 3 months for the projects I am pitching.

I will capture now my inner states.

Firstly today I sent in a proposal, knowing fully well that there would be a delay. For firstly from an inner state, I realise that I am not reviewing the project thoroughly before I send it because I am in any case expecting delays. So now I need to watch for that and see if I can see what is happening.

Data so far :
(a) Monday send reminders - active force
(b) Tue - waited - no feedback
(c) Wed - as of now things are stagnant. Its the Si-Do. I need to be in active waiting.

Right Action - Continued with a Deva

The insight in Pune was to realise that any endeavour is really not my personal task. I am invited to participate in something that the Devas wish to achieve. I do not know the end outcome of it, if there is anything at all like that, but at my level I participate because I see some 'personal benefit' in it.
The question however remains that how can one remain responsible if
(a) Its not really one's endeavour but someone/something else's
(b) I do not know where does my responsibility end since I dont know the big picture
(c) How not to be indifferent

The line says ..I do not know but I am interested. That could mean that once I have done, what I think is my part, I need to be waiting 'actively'. My ego/my past habits want to see the outcome quickly after I have done my part - but now that I know that the endeavour is much larger than me and that possible all the elements in the cosmos that are playing parts in this endeavour, all need to be considered, I know that it is silly of me to expect an outcome as per the wishes of my small self - or my fears or my insecurity or even self importance.

But knowing this does not mean I suppose, relinquish interest. So how does one remain 'motivated' for
(a) Something I dont know what its mean for my personal benefit.
(b) I have done my part and wish to do something else that can engage me
(c) something where I have no idea about how long to wait

What can keep me interested?
At my level, I feel that, the lofty ideals of being a servant of the cosmos does not stir the passion to be interested. If "I am interested" means to remain in constant attention and wait endlessly for another order to descend, then I feel it needs a certain kind of passion to be in such servitude.

Therefore for me, to be 'interested' could begin from a point where I am interested in that part that could benefit me? That can create a kind of a relationship that allows a certain attention to bear upon the waiting. This, alchemically could mean using the energy of desire. Desire however is an active force used by the ego to get whatever it wants. So holding the desire back, could be running contrary to its default direction and momentum and thereby bring about a possibility of transformation of  the materiality of the desire.

Holding back is hard because one believes that it is all upto oneself and that cosmos really doesnt care. However, if one's starting point is that the endeavour is truly commenced by the Deva, then they have an interest too and if we do our part of waiting, they can resolve all the other ends that also needs the fruits of this action and give me what would lawfully come to me as per the merits of my action.

I was standing in the bus. I wanted to be seated by the seats were all full. So the wanting of the seat was also an endevour of the devas. My effort then was to position myself at a place where I thought that the chances of having an empty seat was high. This was a seat occupied by a college student and I knew that a couple of stops away was the college.

But as the college approached, the student made no move. What is my task now? I had done my part of positioning myself at (what I thought) was the right place but things were going wrong. I stayed at the same place in a mix of dismay and also faith bordering on justifications that I could stay standing and that I am not so so tired. But then a few seats ahead, the girl occupying the seat, got off and moved to the ladies section of the seating and I got my place.

So I got my seat, at the same stop as I desired, but the way it happened came from the realm of the unknown and not from how I had planned it would happen. This is the magic of the gifts from above.

Extended Pune

Uniqueness is one of the the characteristics of the one ness.
Even if one is enlightened the I remains. But of a different quality


Am I being breathed our am bring breathed ?
CanI allow breathing too flow through me just like I allow actions of the universe to flow through me ?

2. The expense of a lack is sometimes in ability to do, sometimes inability to offer sometimes inability to receive.
Ravi ji said my source of lack as the gap between what I know and what I am.

I do not have the permission to speak.only the deva can speak if they feel out fit to use this body. I need to allow only the sacred from this mouth and therefore this instrument cannot be defiled by my use.

Every sound that I hear is an authentic expression of the divine. I can hopefully experience God thus. Just like my breath is.

Ravi ji said that the Most important thing is to bring to bear attention at this point. That is my role here. This will slow the right thing to happen add the Devas wish.

How can I allow myself to receive help still holding the responsibility.
I need to die to myself. my effort is however not towards the higher. I need to look below to ensure that the marauding forces don't enter my inner sanctum do there is place for the higher to descend.

To not know is to die. I am in a space whet I do not know what Congress next. It is am experience of death at that level. How can I cultivate this and experience this ? Each time I'm in solution mode I'm grasping against death.
Rumi-When I died I was born as a fish. When I died as a fish I was bitten add human. So when have I not gained by dying ?

From tamas to sattva you need to travel through rajas. Then you are back to tamas again in a spiral. Because now tamas is in a sense of stability.
Allan Daniel Hindu polytheism.

Dharana dhyan samadhi are the forces of mind. Our qualities of the mind.
Dharana is more concentration. Dhyan is more waiting for the object to respond. I am here to listen.

In Dharana the focus is I not the object. In dhyan there is an equal force between object and subject. The samadhi there on only the object.

The deepest party of my psyche corresponds to the deepest party of the psyche.

kunti asked of Krishna for a boon replied I ask for crisis  and difficulty
Because ranch time this happens you Krishna also come along.

Mi fa I can awaken me
Sol it is the point where I remember that I have to work on my self and not reform the world.

Sept Pune work period notes

The idea of invokinga deva is really starting any undertaking that it is not my enterprise. The intention is a requirement of the consciousness that had now entered the material field in way of an idea on me to start an enterprise. I am the medium. I am the servant to carry this in the manner as the Devas had intentioned. I need to be sensitive to doing what is truly needed.I will then get my rewards as a servant doing his job well.

I need to bring in attention to whatever I do. Then this attention wool take it to the right direction. otherwise the direction will be at the level at which we are.
Bringing an attention to what I am doing or wish to do is like invoking a deva. An intelligence above my ordinary level.
I need to assist the quality of seeing.

I wishes to see. I wishes to do something. A way to invite the deva.

I need to watch the centres of my gravity. Otherwise it will atrophy. My seeing changes its quality.

when someone speaks it nerds to go to many places in my organism. If I don't pay attention inside me then it will not go to all the places it nerds to go.

Everything is transient do work diligently. last quote of the Buddha

When I do business if I remember that wahe guru is also present so I would do business fair.

I can either kill one I and make the other I win. Our I can see both I's with clarity.
Or I can kill the asura or make asura and deva to work together.

Another way to understand freedom from law is to see a change in the quality of being. 48 laws are laws that apply to world 48. Not that there are 48 laws.

To be present is nothing to do with time. You can be present to your past. It its a state of being.

Yagna of chasing dreams

Instead of chasing dreams aggressively, realise your dreams over time. It is important to work with the life-energies not against it. I know if I aggressively pursue something it will cause me to fight the universe's energy.

This read along with Raviji's mantra 

Yajña is a collaborative activity between human beings and devas (higher levels within us as well as outside), often involving sacrificing an attachment to 'I am doing it' (which in Sanskrit literally is 'ahamkara' which gradually and rightly came to mean 'pride') and other convictions keeping one attached to lower level of me-me-me.

Musings

1. How do I understand the workings of the Law?

If I get angry and if Im identified with it, then I am at that level.
If I get angry and I am aware that I am angry then the force of anger can sense the other force of the watcher. It is as if this force of anger tries to do things sneakily it will work but if someone catches it in its act it kind of freezes and gets embarrassed.

There seem to be some memory of this incident and therefore this force does not seem to come or comes when the being is drained of energy.







2. When I look at the human body I see that there is an intrinsic connection and support between muscle groups. If the arms cant carry something heavy, the shoulder muscles come to its aid. Stomach and back muscles come to the aid of legs. It must mean that aid or help must be a natural part of things that are connected.
Our wish to help or compassion for someone in trouble could be following the same law?

Yugan Yugan

http://openspaceindia.org/explore/multiculturalism-intercultural-dialogue/tana-bana/listen/yugan-yugan-hum-yogi.html

Lalli's poem

A thousand times I asked my guru,
'The name of the One who is known by No-thing',
Tired and exhausted was I, asking time and again;
Out of Nothing emerged Something, bewildering and great!

http://www.poetry-chaikhana.com/L/LallaDedLal/AthoustimesI.htm

Help in Beelzebub Study

http://ae.gurdjieff.org.gr/chapters/en50/index.htm

Verse 3:15 Bhagvad Gita

The translation of BG 3.15 that I would make is very close to 

Know that action arises from Brahman, Brahman from the Imperishable. Thus Brahman, although all-pervading, is ever established in yajña. 

The main point is not to translate 'yajña' as 'sacrifice'.  Sacrifice is not an entirely wrong translation of yajña but it is very inadequate.  As you would see from BG. 3.9-3.15, yajña is an activity involving two levels--humans and devas--in a mutual nourishment.  Of course, my attachment to a lower level prevents me from seeing or listening to the devas and therefore obstructs collaborating with them.  Therefore a sacrifice of my attachment to lower levels is needed.  But that is only a part of the undertaking.  In the exoteric tradition yajña becomes merely an external ceremony with 'havan', 'ahuti', etc.; thus completely perverting the teaching.

In the simple practice of breathing in and breathing out, if I breathe in with more awareness, or as I breathe more consciously, that simply means that I am aware of slightly subtler levels of reality and I therefore invite the deva of prana to assist me, or to work with me, in extracting subtler or alchemical substances from the same air as everyone else breathes.  Breathing more consciously is what turns my ordinary breathing into a yajña of breathing-- a prana yajña.

Great Prayer

GOD when I lose hope let me remember that

Your Love is greater than my disappointments

and Your plans for my life

are better than my Dreams

Teacher's Advice

"If I understand it rightly, right action is not possible unless I involve a deva in the actions I undertake. So a search for us is how to invoke and involve a deva in us to collaborate with us in our activities.  The most important requirement for that is to bring the whole of my organism--body, mind, feelings--to become receptive to the whispers of the devas.

It is interesting to ponder BG 3:15 where Krishna says, "The all pervading Brahman is [especially] eternally established in yajña."

This seems to be the heart of the instruction for me. How to become receptive to the whispers of the devas.

How can I lead a worthy life ?

I have to wake up each morning pondering over my purpose.
Whatever I do I do it with attention. To seek perfection in it.
To relinquish dreams. Do the work that comes to me with absolute passion.
Not examine work to see if it matches with my dreams.
Mindful speech. To speak only when necessary.
To explore the balance between action and waiting for the flowering.
To keep faith and hope when things are down.

Let me remember myself and my wish to lead a worthy life.

More and more it appears that I need to see reality more closely. I see that I have created an image of myself and what I should get in life and all the time I am trying and fighting to make it happen. I do not see what “is”. I do not question this image or my ambitions and dreams. The universe could be having other plans with me and if I constantly see only what “I” have created and work towards that, I will be constantly thwarting the moves of the universe to get me to doing what I was created for. I should know that the universe is compassionate and whatever the universe will make of me, I am sure will only give me happiness. I must be vigilant to see what I am right now. There is something else, some other movement and I do not see it. I see that which I have created and till  I look away from it and see what “is” I will always be lost and unhappy.

Journey through hell and back

It is important  for me to record my journey through despair.

It started with an absolute frustration on nothing working on the money/business front. I then decided to set up a deadline and as a test to see if there is anything out there or Im just imagining all these forces and energies.

Not unexpectedly, nothing happened at the deadline. For me there was only one route. To snap all connections with the gods. For me that was the end of "Faith" as I called it.
I remember reading about Faith being coming from repetition and here after many years of faith - I snapped out of it. Rationality took over. I was alone and needed to deal with the issue of life and its consequences.

Absence of faith removed Hope from the equation. With Hope gone also was gone Disappointment.

I quite dont  remember what happened - maybe something I read - but one day it struck me that there were specific laws. Then also read laws about masculine and feminine. When to use the power of ego, of self determination and when to bring the feminine of waiting. That is when I learnt to wait. And then to explore and understand the laws that determine phenomena. And then by sheer waiting, things began to happen.

That opening brought back Faith. That if I understood the law, I dont need Faith. What was required of me was to learn the law and for that I had to curb my long built habit of action and forcing things to happen. With follow ups and doing every  job quickly. I had to develop the feminine of waiting. This gave interesting insights on action:

That desires and ambitions are the instruments of the ego that is required for any action to ensure from me.
But once the action has started, I need to hand over the process to the Universe. Hand over process meant firstly meant relinquishing outcome. Knowing that one's action was needed to kick start the energy and after that the Law would play its part was enough material to automatically relinquish the fruits of action. This relinquishing then automatically took away Disapointment - which is a substance created with action is combined with anticipation of a specific outcome. But we forget that there could be other outcomes that could be far more beneficial - and when one yields and leaves the outcome to the universe, one can see the magnificence of its intelligence.

It then became also clear that  the outcomes are fixed by Law. All I have in control is my inner attitude. This Life has a specific purpose which has nothing to do with what I want. I have to go with the flow and bring in my desires and ambitions to play when momentum slows down. Its a great dance between the male energies and the female energies in me. And the more I have faith in the compassion of the universe and its mercifullness as well as the intelligence to know when to act and when to wait, the more the Law clearer and more this life made meaningful.

Depression is an opportunity

Vishaad – Aatma manthan ke shivir (The camps for self-analysis)

O human, listen and understand this truth with all your being (dhyan), that depression is not an illness or disease. It is a plateau given by Nature to know the true meaning and importance of detachment. In the complete life cycle of a human being the state of plateaus of depression are sure to happen at least seven to ten times at an interval ranging from 8 to12 yrs.

The ashrams of our Vedic culture are based on this reality and mental state. This is a unique and miraculous law of Nature. In this duration, the human mind is disillusioned and astonished by worldly experiences, is detached and is lost in its own world. The mind is agitated and indulges in self pity and may even think of suicide. Or by self- analysis (aatma-manthan) collects him/herself, determined with new enthusiasm, gives truthful direction turns towards a life of complete and whole awareness or wanders in the search of a true guru.

Western psychology has called this mental condition of staying away from the world in a state of inaction and indolence in the darkness of loneliness, the disease of depression.

This word is now used frequently in the common everyday language of even the young.  Lost and hung up in the maze of tension, depression and boredom, they block all paths for growth.

Depression is not a disease. When a mentally evolved human finds the world without meaning or we can say it this way that when the true face of the world becomes visible, to an emotional and sensitive individual then this state of plateau or ‘camp’ is created. Mental hurt is not the only reason for it. A break or hindrance in the mental, spiritual and economic growth can also be a reason for this condition.

From this plateau or base camp, a human who does some soul searching, meditation and contemplation surfaces through these due to his own will power (soul power) gets a new life, new energy, moves forward and whosoever indulges in it, gets mentally ill-balanced, can also harm him/herself, this is sin, an insult to the internal powers of human. It is difficult to know when depression softly walks into our lives because it starts by repeated indifference (virakti) or boredom and the interval span of this state becomes less and less and dependency on medicines or outer means increases, then realise that the problem has been suppressed not resolved.

A wise person is one who recognises these symptoms, does self-analysis, makes suitable changes in his routine and daily activities and maintains discipline. Realising ones truth, be determined to never let your growth stop based on the Laws of Nature, this is true endeavour (purusharth). Life is a penance (sadhna) for this effort.

The person who goes through depression and emerges as a better human being only he can contribute towards humanity and is capable of bearing future plateaus.

Depression is just a plateau, a base camp to reach the topmost, highest peak. How will you reach the top of the peak in one breath if you will break, disintegrate on the way. O Human, learn how to move forward with enthusiasm after complete rest and preparation at these base camps.

Jagakar gyan yog, jalakar vivek jyoti

Naveenta se ho oat-proth barh ja suprabhat ki orr.

Ignite gyan yog, light the lamp of wisdom, full with renewed newness, and move ahead towards a new dawn. 

Pranam

Separation

One is always in conflict between what the lower (mind/body/lower emotions) want and the wish of what I could call the soul.
It appears that giving into the callings of the lower, strengthens my identification with the lower. Otherwise why would I yield to them?
Not yielding to their calling, I forge my identity with that part of me which 'decides' and 'arbitrates' and which by these acts learn the Law.