Buddha on sensations

That which feels the object is vedana, its characteristic is to experience, its function is to realize the object...
It follows that in order to realize anything at the experiential level; one has to work with vedana.

Without mind, matter alone cannot feel anything. It is the mind that feels, but what it feels has an inextricable physical element-the sukha-vedana (pleasant sensations), dukkha-vedana (unpleasant sensations) and adukkhamasukhavedana (neutral sensations).

For the actual practice taught by the Buddha, it is this physical aspect of vedana which is of particular importance, since it is the most direct and tangible way to experience the anicca (impermanence) of ourselves, and so to develop wisdom. Anicca is a fact to be realized not by merely relating it intellectually to the outside world. Rather, it must be experienced internally. We must experience ourselvesexperience ourselves as we really are-each a transitory phenomenon, changing every moment. This experience of aniccaexperience of anicca at the level of sensations results in the gradual dissolution of attachment and egotism. Describing the importance of the physical aspect of vedana for the realisation of nibbana (liberation), the Buddha said-

Just as in the sky different windsas different winds in the sky blow from east and west, from north and south, dust-laden or dustless, cold or hot, fierce gales or gentle breezes- many winds blow. So also within the body arise sensations, pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. When a meditator, striving ardently, does not lose his constant thorough understanding of impermanence even for a moment, such a wise person fully comprehends all sensations. Having thus comprehended sensations, within this life he becomes freed of all defilements (and becomes an arahant or vedagu). Such a person, who is vedagu (one who completely understands the sphere of sensations), being established in Dhamma, after death attains the indescribable state beyond the conditioned world because he knows sensations thoroughly (their arising and passing away and also the state beyond sensation).

Again emphasizing the fact that the sensation manifests in the body, he said-


Suppose, meditators, there is a public guest housepublic guest house. People come there from the east, west, north and south. People who are Ksatriyas, Brahmins, Vaishyas and Shudras. Similarly, meditators, various sensations arise in this body-pleasant sensations, unpleasant sensations and neutral sensations arise; pleasant sensations with attachment, unpleasant... neutral... arise; pleasant... unpleasant... neutral sensations without attachment arise.

The above passage clearly describes the process of Vipassana, whereby through observation of sensations in the body (kayasmim), a person can be fully liberated from suffering. First, it describes different types of sensations (pleasant, unpleasant, and neutral) which a meditator easily understands and experiences by practising Vipassana. By constantly observing the sensations in the body, one experiences the characteristic of arising and passing away. This objective unremitting observation is sampajanna (constant thorough understanding of impermanence). According to the Buddha, one who practises sampajanna is a wise personwise person, knowing experientially how sensations arise and pass away within the body as a result of the repeated contact of sense objects. This person knows that when one begins to relish the pleasant sensations and abhorr the unpleasant sensations, misery is generated and multiplies. Without sampajanna, one remains unaware of the deeper unconscious level of the mind. It is in the darkness of ignorancedarkness of ignorance that an unconscious reaction begins towards the sensations. This momentary liking or disliking soon develops into craving or aversion, the reaction repeating and intensifying innumerable times before it bursts forth into the conscious mind. If importance is given only to what happens in the conscious mind, then because of one's ignorance of the underlying reality, one becomes aware of it only after the reaction has occurred repeatedly. One allows the spark of sensationspark of sensation to ignite into a raging fire before trying to extinguish it, resulting in unskilful physical and vocal actions. By practising sampajanna, one learns to observe the sensations within the body objectively, permitting each spark to burn itself out without starting a conflagration. By observing the physical aspect of vedana, one becomes aware of the reality that the vedana that has arisen is impermanent. With this understanding, one remains equanimous and prevents any reaction from occurring. Constant observation of vedana in this manner by anicca-bodha gives rise to detachment. With this attitude, one can prevent not only fresh reactions of craving and aversion, but also eliminate the very habit of reactinghabit of reacting, and thereby gradually come out of suffering by transcending all the sensations and becoming what the Buddha calls a vedagu-



One who is completely detached from vedana, and has gone beyond the entire (field of) vedana (to reach vedana-nirodha) is called vedagu.


Emphasising the arising of sensation in the body which results in the attainment of nibbana, the Buddha said in the Patthana-



Pleasant bodily sensation is the cause for the arising of pleasant sensation of the body, unpleasant sensation of the body, and attainment of fruition (nibbana) in relation to the strong dependent condition. Unpleasant bodily sensation is the cause for the arising of pleasant sensation of the body, unpleasant sensation of the body, and attainment of fruition (nibbana) in relation to the strong dependent condition.


This shows that the Buddha gave foremost importance to sensation for the realisation of the ultimate truth.

By moving with full awareness, remaining detached from the sensations within and without and observing them objectively, one reaches the cessation of consciousness.


Feeling the same pleasant or unpleasant sensations in the body, an ignorant personignorant person reacts to them and multiplies his or her sankhara. In contrast, a Vipassana meditator with the wisdom of sampajanna emerges from the old habit pattern and becomes fully liberated. Thus our bodies bear witness to the truthwitness to the truth. By observing sensations, we can advance from merely hearing about that truth to experiencing it directly for ourselves. When we meet it face to facemeet it face to face, we become transformed by the truth and faith arises in us, based not on blind belief but on experience.

Dependant Origination

(from Buddha Dharma Education Assocation http://www.buddhanet.net/funbud12.htm)


Today, in this tenth session, we are going to take up a very important topic in Buddhist studies and this is the teaching of dependent origination. I am aware of the fact that many people believe that dependent origination is a very difficult subject and I would not say that there is no truth in that belief. In fact, on one occasion Ananda remarked that despite its apparent difficulty, the teaching of dependent origination was actually quite simple; and the Buddha rebuked Ananda saying that in fact the teaching of dependent origination was very deep. Certainly in the teaching of dependent origination we have one of the most important and profound teachings in Buddhism....

....Let us take a few examples that establish the nature of dependent origination. Let us take first an example used by the Buddha Himself. The Buddha has said the flame in an oil lamp burns dependent upon the oil and the wick. When the oil and the wick are present, the flame in an oil lamp burns. If either of these is absent, the flame will cease to burn. This example illustrates the principle of dependent origination with respect to a flame in an oil lamp. Let us take the example of the sprout. Dependent upon the seed, earth, water, air and sunlight the sprout arises. There are in fact innumerable examples of dependent origination because there is no existing phenomenon that is not the effect of dependent origination. All these phenomena arise dependent upon a number of causal factors. Very simply, this is the principle of dependent origination.

Quote by Buddha
"In this way, Ananda, conditioned by feeling is craving, conditioned by craving is seeking, conditioned by seeking is gain, conditioned by gain is valuation, conditioned by valuation is fondness, conditioned by fondness is possessiveness, conditioned by possessiveness is ownership, conditioned by ownership is avarice, conditioned by avarice is guarding,[*] conditioned by guarding and resulting from guarding are the taking up of the stick, the knife, contention, dispute, arguments, abuse, slander, and lying. Evil and unskillful actions of many kinds thus appear in profusion."[

On watching the tendency of solidification of experience

Must watch the tendency to understand the 'habit' of solidifying of experiences. And to understand that the psychological pain is 'one of the many faces of the self as is the 'watching of phenomena as a detached observer and non identification.

Must also try to understand what Buddhism talks about dependant origination.

Valuable note from Ravi

All this goes on as H describes it so well. As if we are puppets of some play.... How to bring the kind of attention that is independent of all this, which can see all this. The one which needs to fix this, that and every other thing is a pretender to the crown and expects obeisance. It even begins to use the language and the forms of the work for its purposes.

"What is needed? To remember that being human is an immense privilege and a wonder? Or?

"What does it mean to be free?
"I look forward to this week of work together. Perhaps we can find the place at the edge between what we know and what we do not know...and become available to the unknown."

Excerpts from the Gnostic Gospels

Gospel of Thomas

1.After all its not what goes into your mouth that will defile you. Its what comes out of your mouth that will defile you.

2.Whoever blasphemes against the Father will be forgiven, and whoever blasphemes against the son will be forgiven, but whoever blasphemes against the holy spirit will not be forgiven, either on earth or in heaven.

3.Lucky is the lion that the human will eat, so that the lion becomes human. And foul is the human that the lion will eat, and the lion still will become human.

Gospel of Philip.

1.The slave seeks only to be free, but he does not hope to acquire the estate of his master. But the son is not only a son but lays claim to the inheritance of the father. Those who are heirs to the dead are themselves dead, and they inherit the dead. Those who are heirs to what is living are alive, and they are heirs to both what is living and the dead. The dead are heirs to nothing. For how can he who is dead inherit? If he who is dead inherits what is living he will not die, but he who is dead will live even more

2.Names given to the worldly are very deceptive, for they divert our thoughts from what is correct to what is incorrect. Thus one who hears the word "God" does not perceive what is correct, but perceives what is incorrect. So also with "the Father" and "the Son" and "the Holy Spirit" and "life" and "light" and "resurrection" and "the Church (Ekklesia)" and all the rest - people do not perceive what is correct but they perceive what is incorrect, unless they have come to know what is correct. The names which are heard are in the world [...] deceive. If they were in the Aeon (eternal realm), they would at no time be used as names in the world. Nor were they set among worldly things. They have an end in the Aeon.

3.These are powers which [...] man, not wishing him to be saved, in order that they may [...]. For if man is saved, there will not be any sacrifices [...] and animals will not be offered to the powers. Indeed, the animals were the ones to whom they sacrificed. They were indeed offering them up alive, but when they offered them up, they died. As for man, they offered him up to God dead, and he lived.

4.Before Christ came, there was no bread in the world, just as Paradise, the place were Adam was, had many trees to nourish the animals but no wheat to sustain man. Man used to feed like the animals, but when Christ came, the perfect man, he brought bread from heaven in order that man might be nourished with the food of man. The rulers thought that it was by their own power and will that they were doing what they did, but the Holy Spirit in secret was accomplishing everything through them as it wished. Truth, which existed since the beginning, is sown everywhere. And many see it being sown, but few are they who see it being reaped.

5. No one will hide a large valuable object in something large, but many a time one has tossed countless thousands into a thing worth a penny. Compare the soul. It is a precious thing and it came to be in a contemptible body.

6.It is through water and fire that the whole place is purified - the visible by the visible, the hidden by the hidden. There are some things hidden through those visible. There is water in water, there is fire in chrism.

7.What the father possesses belongs to the son, and the son himself, so long as he is small, is not entrusted with what is his. But when he becomes a man, his father gives him all that he possesses.

8.God is a dyer. As the good dyes, which are called "true", dissolve with the things dyed in them, so it is with those whom God has dyed. Since his dyes are immortal, they become immortal by means of his colors. Now God dips what he dips in water.

9.It is not possible for anyone to see anything of the things that actually exist unless he becomes like them. This is not the way with man in the world: he sees the sun without being a sun; and he sees the heaven and the earth and all other things, but he is not these things. This is quite in keeping with the truth. But you saw something of that place, and you became those things. You saw the Spirit, you became spirit. You saw Christ, you became Christ. You saw the Father, you shall become Father. So in this place you see everything and do not see yourself, but in that place you do see yourself - and what you see you shall become.

10.Faith receives, love gives. No one will be able to receive without faith. No one will be able to give without love.

11.God is a man-eater. For this reason, men are sacrificed to him. Before men were sacrificed, animals were being sacrificed, since those to whom they were sacrificed were not gods.

12.As for the Wisdom who is called "the barren," she is the mother of the angels. And the companion of the [...] Mary Magdalene. [...] loved her more than all the disciples, and used to kiss her often on her mouth. The rest of the disciples [...]. They said to him "Why do you love her more than all of us?" The Savior answered and said to them,"Why do I not love you like her? When a blind man and one who sees are both together in darkness, they are no different from one another. When the light comes, then he who sees will see the light, and he who is blind will remain in darkness."

Habit

Breaking of habits as a basis of sadhana appears to be quite interesting. Our false personality finally manifests into habits -physical, emotional and intellectual. We seem trapped and imprisoned by these habits and are powerless to do any thing 'out of character'.

Breaking of habits allows us to break the walls around us and then merge with the habitless and hopefully, the right action would follow guided by what is needed to be done and not based on the likes and dislikes of the habits.

True freedom, it seems, is freedom from habits.

Sadhana for the rest of the life

"Dispense with words. Turn the attention towards the organism."

"Discover what it means to have a real connection with the body."

" Discover what it means when the call to Work comes from somewhere other than the intelligence of the intellect."

Oasis

Its been 6 days. There is a lightness. The breath flows in and out of both nostrils freely. As though at the top of the head is a hole that allows air to flow in and out freely.
There is a lightness. I am not carrying on my shoulder the constant ache of sexual desire. And when that weight is removed suddenly I am light.

Nothing else has changed. But this is grace. This lightness. There is no effort. Everything can be done in me as need be done.

Faint fears of knowing one day this could go away. But right now none.

This is a taste.

If this is a record that is ever going to be read by any searcher...remember, all the effort and hard work and sacrifice is worth this moment.

Do your work

Harish..

You have got much. Now dont be lazy.
You have got on to something big after years of struggle and sacrifice.

Dont let go. Work harder. Listen. Just listen.

Feeling the I in different parts of the b.ody

Interesting exercise. To feel the "I" in the hands..or the feet or the face..

Insights on the Work

The Body is always in the Present Moment.

How to work well? Especially exercises that one cannot do even repeatedly? Its about egotism. We should not do this Work for personal benefit. We need to do it for our parents, and the people around us and for the people in the world. Its about duty now and not about personal search or about whether its fun or not. I have this physical body at my disposal to purify and make transparent so that the energy can flow down and help.." may Thine be on earth as it is in Heaven".

work period 2009

Work period 2009

The Gurdjieff Work is something else. It is not about “my” search. It is about creating a live pool of consciousness from which will incubate newer searchers and a cumulative pool of consciousness created out of the combined Work of everyone in the pool. This pool is the food for all and with this food, more efforts.
This work period one understood the beginnings of the word 'responsibility'. To be a Senior in the Work. To be responsible means “to respond” not react. To everything. To everyone. And the first step towards that is to listen. To everything. To everyone.
So what is my responsibility? In the Work, to keep it alive. To have searchers at all levels so that the current flows without any break, at any level. And to Work myself. Ceaselessly. Because the domino effect of one person working is unbelievable. One person gives energy to the pool that energizes everyone else's effort and when everyone Works, the surge in the pool is a huge multiple of that single drop that a single person contributed.
How do I Work Intelligently?
I need to develop the sensitivity to what is needed right now. To what needs to be served right now. So that the energy that wishes to evolve will not return disappointed.
I need to Listen. Learn that language of the voice of the energy behind the words. Of the wish of the energy behind the sensations. Of the fervour of the energy behind the racing thoughts. I need to keep Working, till I find a true taste of the connection that Mme De Salzmann speaks about.

Paying gratitude to the breakthrough

There is such a freedom when the search now excludes search for the "I". Now there is the joy of just being aware. However this is a gift from nature. From universe.

I now need to convert these fleeting glimpses of just experiencing without the experiencer or the "i" into a constant practice of experiencing pure. Sensation of the body, sensation of the breathing, sensation of hurt, of hunger, of anger.

God give me ur support.

Pulsations

When there is money in the bank or in the wallet, there is a constant steam of pulsation from that source. That provides ways for it to be spent. When there is a relationship - be it the boss, or girlfriend or wife or child or dog, there is a constant pulsing. There is the body that is constantly sending pulsations of its own needs. Everything stored sends pulsations so that action takes place and creates movement. As though nature is constantly pulsing and moving and creating. THe Awareness watches all this. How does the right action take place here? Is it the relative intensity of the pulsation? or something that guides? How can this guiding voice be found over the din of the mechanicality of habitual decision making?

The movement

It seems like a breakthrough. One needs to watch what is real. The sensation of the body is real. The sensation of the breathing is real. There is no I. Everything is an occurence. A phenomena that is experienced. Thoughts. Emotions. And when the I is removed then there is a shift that comes with the change in the vantage point. So 'I' dont breathe. 'I' dont eat. There is a sensation of taste and smell. There is a feeling of satisfaction. Body and mind follows its laws from the power of nature.

On birthday

How do i be more alive today? like i was the day i was born..! how do i know im alive..and know im alive..tomorrow..day after..day day after? i need to know i exist..i need to be present otherwise what is the point in having a movie ticket and not going for the show ?

Waiting

How does one have a complete sense of surrender? Leave everything to the Universe? Especially since people involved in certain situation are dependent on you? Your employees, family? When is waiting the right action?

Quote by Nisargadutta

" There is only Life. There is nobody who lives a life"

Body and I

It appeared during the yoga class yesterday..and as I type now, that the body follows instructions from me. Its like driving a car. Since I dont see clearly the 'hand-off' point of the instructor (me) and the body's receiving of it in its 'receiving centre', I think Im the body. It seems to be a very subtle communication. There is something in the consciousness(me) that has a 'wire' into this body. It appears that Im the "Will" but the body can be disobedient and refuse compliance.That is when this difference gets blurred because "I" gets identified with the body. So long as the body is given instructions to do what 'it' likes, there seem no issue to separate "I" and 'the body'.

I need to continue to recognise and believe that Im not just the body only the driver of the car.

Notes on meeting with Prof Seshan in Bangalore

1. Again now, again now. Only present moment.
2. All events coming in my life is a way of universe communicating to me. If my response is right then the universe will communicate correctly and things will start changing.
3. I have to take responsibility for everything happening to me.
4. Discipline in everything. Eat half a stomach full always. Sex leave it to nature.
5. Attitude: Ah now I have relief that I don’t have to blame others for everything.
6. If one has a deep wish and will to be mindful always it will happen. That is the only thing required.

Lighter journey

The attitude to the search seems to be the key. How can i let this journey be natural..like the natural ripening of a fruit. let this happen. unbud.

how can "suffering" be approached from an attitude of joyousness instead of something very tragic and hinting of martyrdom? Nature made sex fun. No one would procreate if it was all hard work.

So there must be a way for the search to the way towards inner life to be fun..if indeed its in line with nature's plan of action..

Bangalore Work Weekend

John said the theme is " as I am". So how is it going to be not in a 'work mode'? how is it that i can be as I am and yet keep an attention inside to watch these personalities at work? or see where the edges of my personalities as i am in real life and truly learn how to be 'as i am' in life but never consider internally? what are my roles in life ? what are the times when these roles contradict each other and thereby create a personality crisis if happened simultaneously? can see my masks of each roles?

In-Out

"What we say aloud is my personality. What we say inward is our essence. Now can we say aloud what we say inward and say inward what we say aloud?" - Orage.

Till the Work Period

Found my Partkdolg Duty from now to the Work period. May god give me strength. Let this be not 'my' work but what is needed to be done thru me. Let the inner lovemaking commence. replacing all else. the denying source holds the key. So the inner child can be born.

To sing along

It appears to me that the world runs in a manner that is quite fascinating. The initial impulse of action seem to come from us – and this impulse is based on our wishes, ambitions, fears, desires, self importance. Then there appears to be a will of the Universe, a definite plan by which there is a design being sought to be put into fruition. The universe seems to use the initial impulse of our personal action and then controls it towards what it wants to finally achieve.
At our personal levels these appear to be successes or failures, happiness or sadness, achievements and disappointments. But in a larger scale these probably are only the execution elements of the Universal plan. Like say we want to build a dam and then channels to guide the waters to the various villages and then the fields within those villages. If the river had dreams of its own to travel to other villages or other fields, these would be termed as disappointments. We would have a sad river who had wishes of its own but kept getting barriers and over time it changed course to avoid the barriers so it could continue on its own personal path. At our level we just executed an architect's plan of a dam. But if the river’s personal wishes were exactly coinciding with our plans, then of course the river would be contented and happy.

The secret seems then to be, to kind of read the language of where the Universe is nudging us to do its will and pretty much go there. So what happens to personal wishes? They are real..feel real.

On the other hand the question is, why do we have this dichotomy? Why were’nt we programmed such that our wishes were only that the Universe wished us to have ? I guess like the mango tree that grows mangoes or the tiger that hunts and kills. Therein I think lies the mystery and privilege of a human life. We have an option of a small choice. Why is that given to us?


…My heart longs to join in thy song,
But vainly struggles for a voice’
I would speak, but
Speech breaks not into song,
And I cry out baffled….
-Tagore

Balance Sheet

It is interesting to read that the vivifyingness of the vibrations of the energy from food happens only after it crosses the note "Sol". Sol as per Gurdjieff is in the Cerebellum. The Do is in the Stomach, Re is in the Duodenum, Mi in the Liver, Fa in the hemispheres of the head-brain and Sol in the Cerebellum. Then interesingly La it seems "passes thru the nerve nodes of the spine and the breast to form the sperm in men and eggs in the ovaries.

Sol in Cerebellum is interesting. It is the point where the body balances. And balancing is a continuous activity. Almost like the Buddha's middle path. Or like Gurdjieff have been to have remarked ..its easier to go either extreme. Total silence or total fasting. Attention is needed when we speak only what is needed and eat only what is needed for example. This requires our active participation. This the the Sol.
So then what is my Sol with respect to my relationships? What is asked of me? what is the balance I seek? is it the balance between love and attachment ?

Watcher

It now seems that the only task is to watch. Watching seems to be the only responsibility. It appears that the duration and the quality of watching is a function of the amount of energy one accumulates. Hence Sadhana. To create more energy and to reduce energy leakage.

S1 12 and being Exioehary from Beelzebub

Beelzebub calls Si12 being Exioehary. And then he talks about abstinence and the results thereon.
Page 807
"The result of these serious pnderings of theirs was that the conviction at first arose in them that this self perfection could probably be actualised by itself by ejection from oneself in the customary manner these substances formed in them called sperm....

..and it was only the second generation of them who ultimately, after long conscious observation and intensive active mentations, categorically understood that this was indeed possible, exclusively on the condition of a ceaseless fulfillment of Partkdolg-duty..

and he goes on saying that monks who abstain but does not perform their conscious labours and intentional suffering either go fat or go very thin.
Mme De salzmann says about energy."...if its not taken by the higher, its taken by the lower." And this can mean all kinds of imagination, restless of the body and so on.
Unconscious and involuntary process of the Exioehary indeed is disatrous and dangerous.

Language of the Universe

Chosing the right action,, it appears is about trying to learn the language of the universe. The only way to learn it, it appears is through trial and error. Krishnamurti says that only when we watch our thoughts arise can we truly be free of the control, of mechanicality, of past templates of action based on reactions.
So what is right action? The action that the Universe wishes to get done through me? And how do I sense where this urge/impulse is coming from? On one hand there is the pull of the ego, and all actions designed to preserve the personality and on the other hand the urges coming from the Universe? How do I understand this language of the urges?

How do I see things with more and more impartiality? Maybe use mediums of perception that cannot be manipulated and corrupted by the mind? Like the sensation of the body and feelings?

On Losing Control

J Krishnamurti..

"One must inquire into the whole problem of control. Most of us try to control our responses our reactions; we try to suppress or to shape our desires.....So can you live a life without single control? - which does not mean induldging in whatever you want. Please put a question to yourself: can you live a life - which is at present so disastrous, so mechanical so repetitive - without a single sense of control? This can only happen when you perceive with complete clarity; when you give your attention to every thought that arises-not just indulge in thought.

When you give such complete attention then you will find out that you can live without the the conflict that arises from control.

What am I the food of ?

It is interesting to read about what Gurdjieff had to speak about classification of consciousness based on firstly what a creature eats, secondly by what it breathes and finally by the medium he breathes.

Man feeds on H768 (food), breathes H192(air), and lives in H192(air). A worm feeds on H1536 ( say coarse flour..coarser than say the rotis we eat), breathes H192(air) and lives in H1536.
A fish feeds on H1536, breathes H192 and lives in H 384(water).
A tree feeds on H 1536, breathes partly H96/partly H192 and lives in H3072(soil).

Humans cannot directly eat H1536 which worms or lamb or fish can.
Therefore it is possible to say that the intelligence of a matter is determined by the creature for whom it can serve as food. Therefore for eg..a baked potato has more intelligence than a raw potato?

So how do i become food of the gods? How do I bake well so the gods eat me?

Man's food is H 768. This he cannot change. He breathes H192. This he cannot change. But what is can improve is in intake of "impressions" and this way intake finer impressions into his organism. A man is not obliged to take in the dull impressions of H48. He can have H24, H12, H6 and even H3. This changes the whole picture..for those who produce and feed their factory finer hydrogens..will be different from those who feed their machine will less finer hydrogens..

and so the more i bake, the more i would take in nourishment from finer and finer hydrogens..and feed the gods..?

"I am food, I am food, I am food! I am the eater of food, I am the eater of food, I am the eater of food! I am the uniter, I am the uniter, I am the uniter" - Taitriya Upanishad.

Sacrificing suffering

...quote from Ouspensky as told to him by G. "Another thing the people must sacrifice is their suffering. A man will renounce any pleasures you like but he will never give up his suffering...."

what does that mean...to sacrifice one's suffering..? is it freedom from self pity? or is there anything more in this..?

why is the word sacrifice used...is there something voluntary here as opposed to running away?

Octaves and Chakras

Interesting talk by Sri sri where he talks about the emotional aspect of the energy at different chakras.

At the (Base of spine)Mooladhara - the energy manifests as either activity or passivity.

At (perinium) Swadishtana - it takes on the manifestation of sexual sensations

At (Navel) Manipura - it manifests as Jealousy or Generosity

At (Heart) Anahata - it manifests as Love or hate

At (THroat) Vishudhi - it manifests as Gratitude or Sadness (catch in the throat?)

At (eyebrow centre) Ajna - it manifests as Awareness or Anger

At (top of the head/fonataine) Sahasrara - its pure joy.

It is amazing to see that in each chakra we can see the manifestation of the descending the ascending octaves -one with a lower emotion and the other with a higher..and the sex centre is even more interesting. seems to be an intersection point.

Who is?

Kabir says O Sadhu! God is the breath of all breath.

Who is breathing..?

Who is watching..?


Is attention the tongue on which we taste all experiences?

Food Factory - THanx to Anu

Ignore button

I seem to have an ignore button..whose job is to quickly sweep under the carpet any impression falling on my. When I caught the bastard in the act, it was amazing. There is a constant stream of impressions coming to me..be it the impression of a stranger or the impression of a planeful of people as I enter an aircraft..or inward shrinking to avoid touching people in a crowd. And for a millisecond i experience it. VEry clearly. And then before it gets registered into me consciously, the Ignore button appears and very clearly says "ignore this" and its gone.

And therefore my life is lived partially!

So constant vigilance..for the Ingore button

Partaking of the sensations of the body

How can I continue to get an unending stream of sense impressions from the body? How Do i remember to sense my body all the time?

Quote from Pentland "I need to come back to the work of sensation because the container is coated in me through the transformation of my energies. And this transformation cannot take place at the level of my functioning—the forms that this energy takes. As long as I’m taken by that level, there can be no transformation.

So I begin to discover through the work of sensation that I can be aware of energy and vibration before they have taken form.

And this is the first step towards that transformation by which a container could exist for my inner life, which would give me the opportunity to study the appearance of the forces that act through these energies."

Sensation exercises

Dr. Kenneth Walker

"At a very much later date the great importance of the faculty of attention in our work was again brought home to us. This was after Ouspensky's death, when some of us went over to Paris to study under G himself. G immediately taught us a number of exercises in muscle-relaxing and in what he called 'body-sensing', exercises which were and still are of greatest value to us. We were told to direct our attention in a predetermined order to various sets of muscles, for example, those of the right arm, the right leg, the left leg and so on, relaxing them more and more as we come round to them again; until we have attained what we feel to be the utmost relaxation possible for us. Whilst we were doing this we had at the same time to 'sense' that particular area of the body; in other words to become aware of it. We all know, of course, that we possess limbs, a head and a body, but in ordinary circumstances we do not feel or sense them. But with practice the attention can be thrown on to any part of the body desired, the muscles in that particular area relaxed, and sensation from that region evoked. At the word of inner command the right ear is 'sensed', then the left ear, the nose, the top of the head, the right arm, right hand and so on, until a 'sensation' tour has been made of the whole body. The exercise can, if required, be rendered still more difficult by counting backwards, by repeating strings of words or by evoking ideas at the same moment that the relaxing and sensing is being carried out.

"The question may well be asked: 'What benefit can possibly result from learning all these yogi tricks with the body?' This is not difficult to answer. There are three reasons for doing such exercises as these: the first is that it is excellent training for the attention; the second that it teaches a person how to relax; and the third that it produces a very definite inner psychic change. This change can be summed up in the statement that the exercise draws together parts of our mechanism which previously had been working disconnectedly. But external descriptions of these valuable exercises and of the results obtained from them are quite useless. They can only be understood by personal experience of them, a fact which emphasizes once again the impossibility of imparting knowledge of this kind in a book. All special exercises of this kind have to be taught by word of mouth, and, so far as I know, they have never been committed to writing.

Ouspensky's Chemical Factory

Hydrogen 12, Sex Centre and so on by Ouspensky

quotes from Page 257 ISOM - ouspensky.

What is meant by mechanicalness with respect to sex energy ?

Everything that people do is connected with sex. Politics, religion, art, theatre, music, is all sex. Do you think people go to the theatre or church to pray or to see some play? That is only for the sake of appearances. The principal thing is that theatre as well in the church is that there will be lots of women and lots of men.

Mechanicalness is especially dangerous when people try to explain it by something else and not what it really is. When sex is clearly conscious of itself and does not cover itself up anything else. ..On the contrary sex which exists by itself(without self image? fantasies?) and is not dependant on anything else is already a great achievement.

What is si 12 and its role ?

Hydrogen Si 12 is the hydrogen which represents the final product of the transformation of food in the human organism.This is the matter with which sex works. And which sex manufactures. It is the Seed and the Fruit.

What is the “dual nature” of the shock at Si 12?

Hydrogen Si 12 can pass into the Do of the next octave with the help of an additional shock. But this shock can be of a dual nature and different Octaves can begin. One outside the organism and one in the organism iself.

The union of male and female Si 12.constitutes the shock of the First kind and the new octave begins with its help and develops independently as a new life. This is the natural way the use the energy of Si 12.

But in the same organism there is a further possibility

What is the further possibility?

This is the possibility of creating a new life “Within” the organism in which the S1 12 has been manufactured, without the union of the two principles, the male and the female.
A new octave then develops within the organism not outside it. This is the birth of the Astral Body. You must understand that the astral body is born of the same material of the same matter as the physical body, only the process is different.

How is the Astral Body created?

The whole of the physical body all its cells are so to speak permeated by emanations of the matter Si12. And when they have become sufficiently saturated the matter Si12 begins to crystalise. The crystallization of this matter constitutes formation of the “Astral Body.”( is this what the tantric practices aim for?) Formation of the Astral Body is possible only in a healthy normally functioning organism.

So is complete sexual abstinence the answer?
Firstly sexual abstinence is necessary for transmutation only in certain cases that is for certain types of people.
For others it is not at all necessary.
For certain types a long and complete sexual abstinence is necessary for transmutation to begin. But once it has begun abstinence is no longer necessary.
In other cases it does not require abstinence but once begun, tansmutation takes all the sexual energy putting an end of normal sexual life or the outward expenditure of sexual energy.

So is sexual abstinence useful for Work or Not ?
It is useful if abstinence is in ALL CENTRES. If there is abstinence is in one Centre and full liberty of imagination in the others, then there could be nothing worse. Further abstinence is useful only if the man knows what to do with the energy he saves in this way. Otherwise nothing can be gained.

What is abuse of the sex centre ?
It means wrong work of the centres in relation to sex. That is action of sex centre through other centres and action of other centres through the sex centre. Or the action of the sex centre from the energy borrowed from the other centres or the action of other centres from the energy borrowed from the sex centre.

Can you explain little more?
Remember that sex centre works with Hydrogen 12. This means that it is stronger and quicker than other centres.The energy of the sex centre that is not used remains and passes on to the other centres. Finding expression for itself through them. ( As Mme De Salzman would say if its not taken by the higher it will be taken by the lower).
The energy of the sex centre in the work of the thinking, emotional and moving centre can be recognized by a particular “taste”, by a vehemence which the affair concerned does not call for.

What must be done to struggle against the “abuse of sex” ?
Right work on neself begins with the creation of a permanent centre of gravity. The role of the sex centre in creation of a permanent centre of gravity can be very BIG. According to its energy, that is to say, if it uses its own energy(meaning I think, just being conscious of it as itself and not thru another centre) the sex centre stands on a level with the higher emotional centre. This alone will indicate a comparatively high level of being. And in this case if the sex centre worked with its own energy and in its own place, all other centres could work correctly in their places and with their own energies.



Can sex be regarded as an independent centre?
It can. And if ALL THE LOWER STOREY IS TAKEN AS ONE WHOLE,THEN SEX CAN BE REGARDED AS THE NEUTRALISING PART OF THE MOVING CENTRE.

Quote

Two similar quotes :-

Man is not a note. He is a complete octave. His feet on the ground and his head in the heavens.

Now here's a quote that is so amazing " May your roots find water and the leaves the sun".

Right now

Right now, I can sense a suffering. Its closest physical aspect is a kind of a ache in the nerves. Is this like stuff given to me to purify? While I feel the ache, I dont feel the resistance or the need to escape this. I watch the ache. Then I watch the "I". And wonder. What the hell is all this? THe I quickly now does not exist. Just the ache and the awareness of the ache. Then if I disappears, then what is the focal point and the starting point of all activity? Like breathing. Who is breathing? Am I passive as I watch or is there a part of me that is also doing? What is the form of me who is the passive watcher? Am I formless? All I know is I exist..or if I is imaginary..then existence is? what the hell is all this..

EavesDropping

Can I hear my voice while speaking or reading ?

Can I overhear my thoughts while Im thinking?

-Pentland

Energy aspect of material

Lord Pentland says "Seeing is the energy aspect of material. Not the forms aspect."

How can i experience this world from the energy aspect of materials, as opposed to the form aspect?

Is this by sensation? Each time a visual - happy, sad, sensual, cruel - strikes my eye ? In addition to the forms aspect that is captured by the senses can i sense its trace on my body?

Is this also something to do with the place of my "I" ?

And then the non-visual imagery - taste of food, dreams,thoughts and so on..?

How can I now include the energy aspect of everything I experience on the material?

Wake up insights from Lord Pentland

"Seeling mechanicalness as a force".

"There are different qualities of attention."

"You need to observe your attention.."

"The wish is your only initiative"

"If a method is fixed it cant be active ".

New Direction - Guidance from Universe

I continue to get incredible support from the Universe.
Excerpt from Lord Pentland.

Question :Would you suggest that one select some aim in the morning some proper method to pursue to accomplish development of essence ?

Answer: I dont see how your question relates-making the same old good intention. What is not mechanical about what you say?....

Then a quote.. (maybe on a question of what do we work on..?)

" We study ourselves in relation to sleep and waking...."


Then..."nothing resulted in attempting too much.."

It appears that the search itself cannot be mechanical at this stage for me. Mechanical from a stand point of tasks versus achievement. Its now got to be intuitive and really to study how alive or asleep I am at all time. Yet I need an anchor frm self deception. The body can be of help. Witnessing and sensing. In a way setting it the way it is formulated also is mechanical. What is not mechanical I guess cannot be formulated.

New DIrection for my search

In a Group meeting Michel De Salzmann said that the Higher needs to act on myself. THis is more important than myself making efforts and the like, as Ouspensky emphasises.

The Latter is more exoteric, it is all right in the beginning and not later.

Ouspensky does not talk about sensations,movements or attention. So the work may become psychological.

Now something new is needed.

Receptive Attention

Rather than Active effort or

Wrong Super Effort.

In another meeting with Michel,I mentioned to him that I was thinking of writing on ahimsa, non-violation and yagna, sacrifice and exchange of energies between levels. He said that he has been much interested in NON MANIPULATIONS and how to

LET THE HIGHER HAVE AN ACTION UPON ONESELF.

This is where he feels that an emphasis on Effort, Super Effort and such can be MISLEADING.

Sacrifice of one's ego-self allows an exchange with higher levels. THis is the real issue of effort.

It cannot be spoken about but needs to be practiced in response to a conscious demand.

(-Ravi Ravindra ..Heart without Measure)

Eye for I

The lower I - that seem to be accompanied by the self image and the personality is an interesting study.

There seems to be certain energies that the physical body comes in contact with with help from the lower I.

FOr example the pleasure waves that surges inside the body when one receives attention or praise. It appears that without this lower I, sexual orgasm would be impossible. FEar too.

Then do wen need the lower or fake I to have any experience of any sort?

I feel that thankfully that there experiences that dont need the lower I - the personality. Like sensation of joy when one eats a delicious mango or a sweet, the joy of a massage, the pleasure of a perfume..

HEre there is pure sensation. I guess that is why the Work keeps a lot of focus on sensations. It appears more objective.

Between effort and letting go

It has been a week of torment. One one end, I feel my time is running out. Im not trying enough. Ive not put my life on the line for my search. And then so much clarity from Ravi-ji.

"Dying to oneself is not easy. It is dying to all my habits, accumulations and the whole of my past, dying to everything I know and have experienced. But none of this can be forced. Nor can it be undertaken with ambition as an ego project.

To some extent a deep-seated letting go is needed--almost as if I am not responsible for my life, my activities or my spiritual development.

I did not bring myself here. I could not possibly be here without the agreement, or even connivance, of the higher forces. So it is their concern and their problem. They can do with me what they wish and what they determine I need."

So this is what I need to practice. A DEEP SEATED LETTING GO. SO THE HIGHER FORCES WHO SENT ME HERE CAN DO WHAT THEY WISH TO DO WITH ME.

So then what is the RIGHT ACTION from my side ? Here Ravi-ji says.

"This is not a call to laziness or to resignation. It is much more a freedom from ego ambition. I accept myself as I am, not what I should be, and then I listen to the higher forces--which is the same as listening to deeper parts in myself--and I try to bend as they suggest.

Gradually I begin to see that dying to myself is dying to my habits of thought and feeling, to my self-importance, to my fears and to my suffering."

And then he talks about the way in which we practice this so it becomes a NEW WAY.

"Maybe I will die like a dog. Even this has to be accepted. Becoming anxious about it is not going to help. Disgust with the world or with myself and with the low-level quality of my efforts and my wiggling out or with my safety nets can impel me to work harder a little, but this does not have sufficient energy. What is needed is more and more opening to higher, and therefore more suitable and more potent, energy.

As Patañjali says in the Yoga Sutras, higher vairagya comes from a vision of Purusha; then something fundamental settles in my attitude towards the world and towards the worldly ambitions and fears in myself."

AND THEN HE SUMMARISES THE SEARCH WHICH FOR ME NOW IS A GOSPEL FOR THE FUTURE.

"We will not cease searching--sometimes with hesitation, sometimes with great impulse. Ours is only the search. We do not know whether we will reach the destination or not. We don't know what the destination is; we simply imagine it. Perhaps our imagination is based on what we have read in the scriptures or what we have heard from the sages. This imagination cannot be free of our own fears and ambitions. The fact is that we do not know. So we listen to ourselves again--and your e-mail is an expression of that listening and sharing with fellow searchers--and not lose heart; we stand up and begin our journey once again. We were brought here when the time was right, and we will be taken away when the time will be right. Then we will recommence our journey from where we will be at that time.

Ours is a journey without end. The end is either for the buddhas or for the dead stones. You and I are alive and we will persist--wondering, questioning, searching, resting periodically and then walking again."


Oh What Grace !

Rite Now

Having experienced the joy of present moment it is hard to not to want to repeat it. This happened when I landed at Hyderabad airport and suddenly there was this excitement of watching what will happen next in my life. It was like watching a reality show not knowing what next. Sometimes a face pops up, a car passes by, the cell fone rings. It was an amazing experience. I wonder why I often kill this by getting lots in thoughts.

Weight of the body

It appears that the weight of the body on my being is something that I am not conscious of. Its like a sound in the background that I have become so used to that I stop noticing it. Sensation appears to be the way to probably separate the body and the being and therefore sense the weight that the being is dragging along. It’s a different experience of sensation when one is sensing the body as a weight on the being as against sensing the body from within.

I guess this is probably what is meant by meditation. To create the internal silence so these entangled impressions can be de tangled and therefore towards a more truthful response.

Body

How does one engage with the body in the journey to understand the "I" ? In any case the body seems to be the first port of call. It seems to be the first within reach. I now feel the weight of the body. Its salty taste. Right now. Now what? Feel the difference between the "I" and this body? When will I be able to experientially break the knot of the inner imagery of being the body? Permanently? and escape death by dying before hand.

Attention

Michelle Salzmann talked about Attention being the real I. Everything else is given - the body by the planet and the mind and thoughts by society and its conditioning.

What I get in Grace I pay back in attention.

Silence is..

Some Glimmer of hope. The last week, there were a couple of moments when there was actual inner attention while speaking. Still a long way off. Still catching myself once the speech is over. But there is hope and will report here to track progress.

The Octave of the Sexual Energy

So here's a live experiment for me to sense the movement of my sexual energy Octave.

Starting point: 9th March : Orgasm
Octave : Do is the Resolve to maintain a resistance to physical release of sexual tension.
Today : Resolve is strong. We are probably in Do or Do Re.

To watch for : Mi - Fa : Where the resistance will be under pressure and the interval must be crossed.

Reporting : Everyday.
Task : Avoid Sexual Impressions and watch the movement of the sexual current in the body.

Date : April 5th.

Reporting:

Was on a low sex drive since ORgasm. Initial impulse form Orgasm was of no more Orgasm.

Then MArch 12th Orgasmed again. But initial Impluse changed to intensifying Sex Drive.
Intense suffering till April 3rd. Then now Impulse calmed down.

Looks like the April 3rd was when I crossed the Fa. I am not sure which is the Do here. is this the first Orgasm on March 9 or the one on Mar 12th.

Considering that the initial impulse changed, I think a new Octave crossed over on the 12th and that must be the Do.

So in terms of number of days the Mi Fa Gap for me is from March 12th to April 3rd. That is 22 days.


Now if I apply the ratios
24 27 30 32 36 40 45 48

do re mi fa Sol La Si Do

The Octave will last for 46 days. Theoretically. So that means the Octave will last till 27 th April.

The next shock will be on the 5th Stopinder. at Sol. Which will be around 20th April.

April 23rd: I can see that the sexual energy is on the rise again. This could be the Sol and if used for Internal Purposes as mentioned in Beelzebub, it will produce internal results. For me, this is to sublimate the energy with Kundalini Yoga. With the grace of all the forces.

May 5th. Sexual energy is on the ebb from an internal sense. There are external stimuli that bring in sudden peaks but overall the energy is not all burning and consuming

God Help me

The Life is burning bright in this decaying body. Will this be a life wasted? Why am I not Working Hard? Dont I see the Terror of my Existence? Death is always round the corner. Dont I need to get aquainted with Death instead of suddenly finding myself without moorings of the 'identity' and the "body" at the point of death and then Thrashing away madly? Esp when the Thrashing is attachment to something that i know is a fiction..

God Help me. To stay with the Iam more and more times a day. God help me with the strength to stand firm and not run away when opportunities for tearing away the false masks of my personality arises. God help me my giving me the insight before the body goes back to its mother earth.

Reminder

I can see that I am forgetting my aims, my practices. Days are passing by. I dont see the terror of my existence. I seek shortcuts. God please help me.

I go back to getting the taste of my personality in interraction with others. This means sensing the impression of faces and people around me.
Then hear the sound of my voice as I speak.
Then speak consciously. Awareness and sensation on the throat.

New Organs

The Third Ear...Hearing from the Third Ear

The Intelligence of the Heart

Wings in the Coffin

In the dead of night, a Sufi began to weep.
He said, "This world is like a closed coffin, in which
We are shut and in which, through our ignorance,
We spend our lives in folly and desolation.
When Death comes to open the lid of the coffin,
Each one who has wings will fly off to Eternity,

But those without will remain locked in the coffin.
So, my friends, before the lid of this coffin is taken off,
Do all you can to become a bird of the Way to God;
Do all you can to develop your wings and your feathers."



(Farid ud Din Attar, translation by Andrew Harvey and Eryk Hanut - 'Perfume of the Desert' )

Status Feb 10th

It has been about 14 days - 2 weeks after the Work period. I can see that my initial momentum in terms of speaking consciously and hearing my self speak is dying down. But It is better than before the work period. I probably have another few days to etch this inside my consciousness permanently before it dies out. And to listen to my Voice as i spoke.

Today in the reading of Beelzebub I could intermittently listen to my voice as I read from the text. I could sense that Im using this body as a musical instrument like a flute or a saxophone. Im reading "thru" this body. And then as though this body is a magic machine, where it recognizes text and converts them to voice.

As I speak I must continue to remember the role of my body. And my right engagement with it.

Pursue the Truth.

on lease

Ive been such a fool. The body belongs to the planet. Is run and governed by the nature that runs that planet. And to think that I owned and governed it ! The planet breathes it. Manages and controls every cell. I don’t know dick about this body. And then it comes – like it did last night and pulled out all the sexual vitality from me, as I was asleep.
It is like I was living in a house that I thot was mine. I didn’t know a damn thing about the house. Where it came from and who built the house. Maybe I know a little- where the switches are maybe..i figured out how to use some of the appliances. I just found myself living in the house. I find the house getting cleaned, laundry done, rent paid – and I never even wondered how it was getting done.
It was all staring at my face and im so stupid that I didn’t realize that I just didn’t own the house..didnt run it. Some one else owned the house. He ran it. I just happened to be there. Don’t know from where I came. And where I need to go from this house.
The owner is damn sweet. Did everything very quietly and silently as though I would get embarrassed if I found out that I was just a trespasser. So much compassion and understanding.
But today morning, when I realized that someone had entered the house and extracted from the house, what I thought was my body, the sexual fluids which I thought I had kept under my lock and key, I realized that I don’t hold any key. The key is of the owner. I imagined I had a key. The house is not mine. Now everything falls into place. My breathing. My body functions. Nothing is being done by me. The house is being managed without me.
I need to now leave. Im so embarrassed but Im grateful to have found this. I have to find my own house. I have to open the door and step out. Stop looking at this house from the outside and longingly try beautifying i

Personality

There is now a task of watching the personality as it comes up when I speak.
Mme De Salzmann says “We can oppose this tendency as we talk. The personality has to stay in the background passively. As our machine speaks, and we hear ourselves speaking, we could see personality and we can oppose it.”
She then says towards the end-“ They are like me, but they are different. How are they different? I have to be open to this; I have to let in the impressions coming from them, so that I can understand how are they different from me and I from them. This is one of the obvious aspects of the search for knowing myself. The others help me to feel who I am, and to have a taste of the differences”

Now again Mme De Salzmann also says “ Besides this I have to understand that to the others I am the “other”.
Can I sense this when I speak to people. See them as they see me as the other? This may be a powerful exercise.

God pls help me.

Mme De Salzman - (These are words from another level altogether!)

1950 – Mme De Salzmann

Why can we not digest impressions? What could this mean? Where do our impressions fall? Never on our essence. The personality always reacts, functioning like a wall from where the impressions rebound. This is the kundabuffer-a wall between the outer world and reality. Personality steals the food of the inner child.

We can oppose this tendency as we talk. The personality has to stay in the background passively. As our machine speaks, and we hear ourselves speaking, we could see personality and we can oppose it.

You do not understand the relationship among yourselves because you do not understand the relationship with your work. The relationship among yourselves are a little better now than in the past years, but then it could not have been any worse. You have to remember your relationship with your aim. Try to stop when reacting mechanically and remember a place inside yourself, the place of the ideal and the aim. Then again there can be a relationship between you and your aims and ideals. Then you will eat differently, you will walk differently. More passions is needed. You have to remember yourself more often. When you are in a right relationship with your aim, only then could you be in a right relationship with each other. The way you are now you cannot work together.

“Why am I here?” There are two possible answers. “Well, I cam here because it was oferred.? The other deeper, reason is my search and my relationship to this work. Finally, I do not know who is it that came. I do not know the one that came.

When I understand this then I can begin to understand the meaning of my being here. I am here to get to know myself, and all the circumstances in which I find myself are a help for this purpose. From then on I take everything differently. I discover that I am not alone. And I begin to understand that I am fortunate to have an opportunity to get to know myself through my relationship with others.

If I am here, I know well that it is, first of all because it was offered to me, and this serves an inner need which has been partially discovered. But starting from this, what could have I offered to myself? What could be my deepest reason for coming here? What am I searching for? New impressions. What kind and for what purpose? This I did not know. And I needed help to find in myself the echo of a deeper and more real reason. And to find the thirst for the question Who am I? –everywhere and under all circumstances- and to recognize the impossibility of discovering this by myself. Alone, that is not possible. My trying becomes automatic, my effort quickly gets lost in lies, my understanding becomes dull if it is not vivified by an influence whose materiality is finer.

Under these circumstances there is a searcher’s group around a center, which is more alive and meaningful. A group are the other. What it mean the others? What are these others representing to me? What am I expecting from them? Is it enough just to tolerate them? Not possible to avoid their presence?

But these ‘others’ first of all are like me. Yes, they are my neighbours. And not only because they have two eyes, one nose,two ears, and generally because they look and behave like me. But besides the feeling of belonging to the same species, there is a unity of search, of interest and its direction with most members of my group. This cannot escape my attention.

They are like me, but they are different. How are they different? I have to be open to this; I have to let in the impressions coming from them, so that I can understand how are they different from me and I from them. This is one of the obvious aspects of the search for knowing myself. The others help me to feel who I am, and to have a taste of the differences.

Besides this I have to understand that to the others I am the other. Until this touches me, a large part of my search is closed off from me. I am the other for him. And to myself also am I not sometimes an other? A stranger. Sometimes, I can even see that this unknown being, this stranger, is much more I than I take myself to be all day.

Simultaneous inward and outward look

How does one simultaneously keep an attention inside as well as outside ? Not when one
is silent but when one is talking to someone. The personality or the limited ego is so sharply
dominating when one is talking to someone. Either in person or on the phone. The other
strong moment is when a woman looks at you. That attention is probably the strongest
moment when one’s ego and personality comes out sharpest. One forgets ones self
awareness. The power of getting attention from the female is a powerful force. It is a
n lethal piece of programming by nature and I guess this is why the initiates in the
Buddhist religion are taught not to meet the eyes of the opposite sex. It’s a bit like
lifting heavy weights before your muscles are all ready.

Carrying the body

Im carrying a bag on my shoulders. I can sense the weight of the bag. When Im talking to
someone or when im walking on the road thinking about something, there is this constant
nag of the weight of the bag on my body.
I feel that the weight of the body on the being is like the weight of the bag on the body.
I can sense this weight. There is always a contact point with it. But it is so heavy and
dominating that I can only feel the body as though that’s the only thing hanging on to me.
I need to sense this. The body. And that should be easy since this body seems to be constantly
stuck to me from all sides ! Just sensing the body will allow me to be in right alignment with
the body. Right relationship. And understand some thing more about myself, that freedom
from the body dominating this presence so completely allows me to.

Reposing in the Self

What is meant by reposing in the Self. Or constantly try to be with with Self.
It seems to be that once stays with pure awareness. The point between the in
breath and the out breath for me seems to be a point where I can sense that
point – the meeting point of me and the self. So I repose at that point. T
he meeting is associated with a feeling..a nice feeling..as tho there is a
sensation of nerve that is getting stimulated.

coating of consciousness

It seems to appear that I anoint every object with my consciousness.
It is my consciousness or awareness that gives it life. If I see a person
that person can be a lifeless doll, but in a subtle process I seem to coat him
with life. Otherwise bodies are just shells or toys.

sensing of the body

The sense of the body..rather the weight of the body can be felt all the time on the field of awareness. Like we sense a strong emotion..the body can be sensed like that..like a resistance that we are sublimating..

the sensation or the weight of the body can be felt all the time..and maybe sensing it will give freedom from the body..like sublimating emotions by sensing them..

its a new direction..

Amazing line from Aurobindo Book

“Consciousness is in truth the only organ.”
This is really true. The experiencing of any impression from any sense organ is really by the consciousness. As tho when Im looking..the consciousness is loaded on the sense organ. So freedom from senses or to go to the essense of experiencing “a sight” or a “sound” we need to distill the consciousness from the organ.


Another Amazing line

“The body is a marvelous instrument – docile, enduring, full of inexhaustible goodwill.”
This is so true..its such a sweet statement. I suddenly had this overpowering affection for the body. Its like my doggie. Really sweet. Takes so much abuse. Always complying. This seems to have changed my relationship so completely with my body. Especially the word Goodwill…the body has so much goodwill.

Meister Ekhardt on St. John's " I saw the Word in God"

Tell me, good Sir, do Father, Son and Holy Ghost speak the same word in the Godhead or has each a different word? ' -- In the Godhead there is but one word; in it the Father in the Godhead speaks into his unborn essence and into his born essence, the Father flowing into his Son with all that he is and the Son speaks the same word, and the Father and the Son flow into the Holy Ghost and the Holy Ghost speaks the same word. They speak this one simple word in their essence and each speaks the same word in his own Person, and in their common nature they discourse the truth and the Persons receive the essence as it is essentially. Yet the Persons receive from one another. They bow down to the essence in praise, lauding the essence; and the unborn essence pronounces its unborn word in the Persons, lauding the Persons, and the Persons receive the essence every whit and pass it on to one another. This unborn essence is self-sufficient, without birth and without activity. Birth and activity are in the Persons. The Persons say they are the truth and that creatures have none of the truth. When the soul attains to this divine speech she speaks this very truth and is the Deity to every creature as well as to herself. This comes of his indivisible nature and therein creatures are a matter of the will. The bad are bad and the good good, the Persons preserving justice in the Godhead. They give the bad their due and the good theirs.

How..when

DIE BEFORE YOU DIE...

its a race...between the body that is subject to time and the soul's stage of evolution...can sadhana accelerate this...what is my role?

Bayazid

Bayazid is recorded saying " For thirty years I went in search of God and when I opened by eyes at the end of this time I discovered that it was really he who sought me".

"The thing we tell of can never be found by seeking, yet only seekers find it (Dermenghem)

The tree veils

the sufi saint Bayazid says

"THOSE WHO ARE MOST VEILED FROM GOD ARE THREE.

First is the Ascetic who is veiled by his Ascetism.
Second is the Worshipper who is veiled by his Devotion
Thrid is the scholar who is Veiled by his Knowledge

sufi story

there is this beautiful sufi story about this sufi saint who asks a girl carrying a lamp

"Where did this fire come from?"

THe girl quickly blows out the lamp and says

"Where did this fire go "

Sometimes one can experience even for a fleeting second an Existence through the body. The golden sunshine as tho its like a chemical reaction under the skin of the head and then this whole world with its colours and sounds. As tho pure awareness entrered the body thru some portal..like being in an bioscope peering thru the hole

BREATHING

With Each InBreathing, I go back to the Source and Touch it.

Oh this is so Sacred. To touch the Source each time I breathe in. Oh God.

Our Universe within us

Read something astounding.. by Molly Tamulevich
(www. http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/exchange/node/215)

Developed by neuropsychologist Karl Pribram, and quantum physicist David Bohm,
the holographic theory explains the universe as a series of complex waves, and the
brain as a means of deconstructing those waves into recognizable patterns. Using the
Fourier theorem [1] they realized that the combination of wave frequencies form
interference patterns in the brain and create new holographic patterns. This
is why a certain smell or sound can bring up memories that seem unrelated;
at one point in the past, they may have been perceived at the same time.

A holograph is an image that has the unique property of containing the
entirety of the image in each piece. If I were to cut a tiny piece of
holographic film off from the whole, it would still contain the whole image
but in a blurrier form. A holograph is formed by superimposing two different
light beams. It is a three dimensional projection of an object caught in the light.
It can store an incredible amount of information and holographic technology
is being used to exponentially increase the memory capability of computers.
According to Pribram, interference patterns caused by the clashing Fourier
waves in the universe converge through the lenses of our various senses,
causing a three dimensional representation of our perceptions.
[2] We are, according to Pribram, living in a giant hologram. If our brain has
holographic capabilities, it would not only explain how it can hold so much
information, but also shed light on experiments carried out by Karl Lashley
in which he concluded that memories were not stored in one part of the brain
but distributed throughout it. Lashley extensively removed or damaged the brains
of rats trying to locate the area in which they stored memories, but no matter
where he experimented, they continued to perform learned tasks. This supports
the idea that memories are holographic in that they are stored throughout the
brain, not just in one location.
Conditions such as synesthesia also support the holographic model.
If someone is able to taste words or attribute personalities to days of
the week, it is likely that inputs to the brain are being interpreted through
a different lens than those of non-synaesthetic individuals. It could be
that the ears or eyes of someone with synesthesia are equipped to read
inputs that most people block out. What would it be like to interpret the
waves around us more fully? We can feel the sun and see the sun, but what
if we were able to taste and hear the sun? It’s not that the waves are not

reaching our tongues and ears, we either don’t have the receptors to interpret
them or they are the wrong length for the receptors we do have.
Michael Talbot’s book, “The Holographic Universe” explains away dozens of
unexplained phenomenon using the holographic theory, and it is in this real
world application that the theory gets controversial [3].
If all memories are contained within all parts of the brain, what is to say
that the image of the whole universe is not contained in each part of the brain???

Our Universe within us

Read something astounding.. by Molly Tamulevich (www. http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/exchange/node/215)

Developed by neuropsychologist Karl Pribram, and quantum physicist David Bohm,
the holographic theory explains the universe as a series of complex waves, and the
brain as a means of deconstructing those waves into recognizable patterns. Using the
Fourier theorem [1] they realized that the combination of wave frequencies form
interference patterns in the brain and create new holographic patterns. This
is why a certain smell or sound can bring up memories that seem unrelated;
at one point in the past, they may have been perceived at the same time.

A holograph is an image that has the unique property of containing the
entirety of the image in each piece. If I were to cut a tiny piece of
holographic film off from the whole, it would still contain the whole image
but in a blurrier form. A holograph is formed by superimposing two different
light beams. It is a three dimensional projection of an object caught in the light.
It can store an incredible amount of information and holographic technology
is being used to exponentially increase the memory capability of computers.
According to Pribram, interference patterns caused by the clashing Fourier
waves in the universe converge through the lenses of our various senses,
causing a three dimensional representation of our perceptions.
[2] We are, according to Pribram, living in a giant hologram. If our brain has
holographic capabilities, it would not only explain how it can hold so much
information, but also shed light on experiments carried out by Karl Lashley
in which he concluded that memories were not stored in one part of the brain
but distributed throughout it. Lashley extensively removed or damaged the brains
of rats trying to locate the area in which they stored memories, but no matter
where he experimented, they continued to perform learned tasks. This supports
the idea that memories are holographic in that they are stored throughout the
brain, not just in one location.
Conditions such as synesthesia also support the holographic model.
If someone is able to taste words or attribute personalities to days of
the week, it is likely that inputs to the brain are being interpreted through
a different lens than those of non-synaesthetic individuals. It could be
that the ears or eyes of someone with synesthesia are equipped to read
inputs that most people block out. What would it be like to interpret the
waves around us more fully? We can feel the sun and see the sun, but what
if we were able to taste and hear the sun? It’s not that the waves are not

reaching our tongues and ears, we either don’t have the receptors to interpret
them or they are the wrong length for the receptors we do have.
Michael Talbot’s book, “The Holographic Universe” explains away dozens of
unexplained phenomenon using the holographic theory, and it is in this real
world application that the theory gets controversial [3].
If all memories are contained within all parts of the brain, what is to say
that the image of the whole universe is not contained in each part of the brain???

death

“What is death? Moving awareness away from a particular time or place makes that particular
time or place die. Lack of awareness is death. It's like sleeping.
The process of death is not unfamiliar to me. I can be aware of my foot. Now, I can be aware of
my hand. When I am aware of my foot, I am not aware of my hand, I don't know if it was there.
Next moment when I become aware of it, it came ito being. Birth and death, these are continuously
happening every moment. They are painless. I cannot be afraid of birth.”
This is a significant quote by Amritananda.

I am dead most of the time except when Im aware I exist. The physical body seems to be only a
conduit thru which impressions come and responses go using the senses. I need to be feel alive
only then im alive.

I need to experience complete death before the destruction of this physical body. Im aware that
I have access to this body for a limited period of time and I need to use that to experience
existence without the physical body. As a pure awareness. Wonder if pure awareness can
continue to exist without breathing.

Sacrifice

RigVeda says " This sacrifice is the navel of the Universe".

Our navel is where we get sustenance from our mother when we are in her womb. So a sacrifice is what sustains the Universe, its baby. Without sacrifice the universe will die of starvation, it appears.

All powers to Sacrifice through Sacrifice – Yajurveda

All this, whatever exists is made to share through sacrifice - Rig Veda

So what is sacrifice? What is needed of us in this chain of sacrifice ?


The Wiki says "By sacrifice in the real sense is universally understood the offering of a sense-perceptible gift to the Deity as an outward manifestation of our veneration for Him and with the object of attaining communion with Him. Strictly speaking however, this offering does not become a sacrifice until a real change has been effected in the visible gift (e. g. by slaying it, shedding its blood. burning it, or pouring it out). "

Sacrifice is an action that creates.

The gods sacrificed with the sacrifice to the sacrifice…Rig veda

Sacrifice everywhere

Origin of Sacrifice - sacrum + facere - To make sacred.

Aurobindo says - But the highest only only comes when the sacrifice is no longer to the gods but to the one all-pervading Divine established in the sacrifice, of which the Gods are only inferior forms and when he puts away the lower self that desires and enjoys and gives up his personal sense of being a Worker to the true executrix of the Works, Prakriti and his personal sense of being the enjoyer to the Divine Purusha, the higher and universal Self who is the real enjoyer of the Works of Prakriti.
......The fire agni is no material flame, but brahmagni, the fire of the Brahman...inner Agni, preist of sacrifice into which sacrifice offering is poured..the fire is self-control or its a purified sense-action or it is the vital energy in that discipline of the control of the vital being though the control of breath...or it is the fire of self knowledge, the flame of the supreme sacrifice.

Sacrifice is an exchange of substances between Levels - both within ourselves and the outside.

So what is My Sacrifice? How do I participate in this cosmic cycle Consciously? In any case Im probably doing it unconsciously.
What is my sacrifice..what is created with my sacrifice?

Two universes

So is the body the dividing line between the inside and the outside? what we refer to as inside including our thoughts as that which is under the skin and external world is what our senses perceive?
If however one were to go with the notion that one is pure awareness and that this body is actually created by the awareness and further that this body is one of the elements in the field of this awareness along with many other elements then one will have to have a different dividing line between what is inside and outside – because the fact is that we do experience inside and outside.

One possible division of spaces could be the division between the Ego or the Personality and that of the Self or Pure awareness. If we are a collection of energy field then this energy sometimes settles at the level of the Ego that leads to turning thoughts, and all the internal activities that are driven by the Ego. And then when the energy rises to a level higher than the Ego, then there are moments of insights, joy and compassion.

Even the notion of “me” – is probably a point in the universe of the Ego.

The pull will always be between these two universes – of the Ego and of the Self and the struggle of this energy field that I call my common presence or “me” – is to constantly engage with the universe of the Ego by keeping a simultaneous connection with the universe of the Self.

ze body

It appears that the body and the senses are a kind of device or intermediate that allows us to
experience the world
; its tastes, its passions, its pains, its smells. As though this body is like a binocular through
which I can see the world and engage with it. What then is the right relationship between
me and the body.
There is atfirst a sense of gratitude – for this body is a bridge that allows these
myriad of experiences. As though this body is a special organ that bring these
impressions from the planet earth to us.
How does the body relate to me in my overall sphere of attention? This has been a difficult
exploration because sometimes the vantage point of awareness is from inside the body and
sometime the vantage point of awarenss is from the outside.
I see that firstly recognizing and acknowledging the presence of the body is probably the
first part of my engagement. Acknowledging probably means being in touch with that part
of my common presences that has the conection with the body. Maybe as I keep doing that,
I would be able to find out more about the right relationship with the body. Understanding
the unique intelligence of the body, its language and try having an impartial view of its
needs and demands. It feel almost like adopting a new born baby

escaping from time

So I wonder what is time? Mainly psychological time. Physical time is lot easier to understand – since its artificially created. Physical time is a function of motion. Time is distance traveled by an object from point A to point B. In a clock 1 second is the distance travelled by the seconds-hand around the circumference of the clock once.

So its easy to understand the artificiality of this. But what about psychological time? It appears to me that there are a few widgets in the head that get activated in the head depending on the energy levels of the organism. One widget could be the “hurry-up” widget which suddenly gives us this feeling of panic that we are running late. Then suddenly there is this awareness of time. Before this widget was activated time did not exist for us. Then there could be “bored” widget. When suddenly once feels that time is not moving. It appears that comes when,say, we are waiting. Waiting for someone, waiting for some boring movie or person to get over. Waiting for a terrible moment to get over. Then again our perception of time gets to fore.
The other experiences of time seem to be variations of the same. When ur having fun and then suddenly when the fun is over a perception of time comes up – how quickly the time has passed. Its almost as if at that moment we compare the physical time elapsed to that if the psychological time – which when we are having fun is absent.

Time other than the physical time seem to not exist. So we try to compare this artificial measure with a measure that is psychological one. For eg if we look at the clock and watch the clock for 5 minutes at different times of the day and at different moods we can see that we do not have an equivalent measure of physical time in terms of psychological time – 5 minutes means so much in my head.
Krishnamurthy I remember him saying that absence of thought is absence of time. So when you are having fun, its pure fun and no thought. Psychological time comes up when there is thought. No thought or watching the movements of time in our internal psyche seems to be the only escape from time.

Field of awareness

I continue to see that my attention is fragmented. During the day, there seems to be no attention to what is happening inside. But I feel that even if there is attention inwards, for a few minutes or hours each day, it still holds out hope. A sensation of the body, an awareness of my inner state even for a few minutes in the morning or night may I guess lead to more prolonged sustained attention during other parts of the day.
it is ironical to sometimes be aware of the pure awareness and then the thought that the body and everything else that we see or perceive to be inside or outside the body is all within the field/created by the awareness. just staying in the presence of pure awareness or invoking it say thru a focus on the breath makes one feel that one is on the border of a larger discovery.